So I have been in this for a really really long time now - matrimonial websites, profile updates, matches, searches, talking to prospective grooms, dress up, meet families, meet guys, be awkward, get rejected/reject them, end up feeling terrible/disappointed etc. It is a vicious cycle. It seems never-ending for me. I have realized that I only attract jerks and that I am a Jerk-Magnet if you will.
I guess every girl who is in the process of having an 'arranged marriage' goes through this. What I have finally realized is that one needs to get his/her priorities right. Also, they change all the time. I had a list of criteria and checklists and what not when I started the process which now has reduced to only one - Marry a guy. This is how my criteria have changed/been destroyed -
1. Marry a guy who went to a better school than I did
Well, my school is 11th globally. This criterion left me with a minute pool from prospective grooms from top 10 schools globally. Possible but very very difficult. What I also realized is that not all people wish to go to good schools. Some of them just wish to land at the 'Land of dreams and opportunities' whichever way possible. This criterion had to go away some time or the other.
2. Good salary/Better salary than mine
Salaries differ with places, states, companies, tax systems, fields, domains and everything else. In the US you cannot really define 'good salary' with a fixed number. Also, I earn enough to run a household and pay off my loans. So, I do care less about this one now. Also, I earn more than quite a handful of my prospective grooms. Hence, this should not even be considered anymore.
3. Relocation
Remember how people move from smaller towns to bigger cities? Well, that does not really happen here. People gladly live at remote places because the cost of living is lesser and well...they get jobs there. I am sure I cannot move to a remote location under any circumstances. I cannot compromise with my career. Maybe, I have this attitude because I stay at a good place with plentiful opportunities. But I cannot even imagine relocating to a place that offers anything lesser than what Seattle has to offer. I shamelessly ask people if they are ready to relocate and discontinue when they say 'No'.
4. Not weird and creepy
Every guy I meet has turned out to be creepy some way or the other. For example - I have been yelled at, insulted, and fought with a number of times for no fault of mine. I have interacted with people with really bad temper and manners. One of the guys pointed out that I was being very formal and that I am not responsive at all. To prove his point he showed me our WhatsApp messenger chat and said, "You responded with only 1 message for every 3 messages I sent you". I was shocked that he had so much time to actually go through all our messages and count them! A few guys rejected me because I eat meat. One of them rejected me because I was not on facebook. Such weird things have happened to me that I have no words.
I just want to marry a guy who is not that creepy. Is it that difficult?
5. Good looking
I wanted to marry a hunk until I realized there are no hunks in my caste and creed and the only ones are in my family. Also, I have fallen in love with completely smart but not-so-good-looking guys and hence I have demolished this criterion.
6. Mixture of liberal and traditional
I don't know how this works. I have been raised in a moderate/liberal environment. We are a little traditional but totally not orthodox. Well, my family also has to be liberal since everyone is in the US. We are more like 'best of both the worlds' kinda people and hence we tend to be traditional yet liberal. But apparently, it is very difficult to find a family like ours. Either, families are too traditional or too liberal and I cannot survive in both the extreme cases. I need to be married in a family with moderate families. Apparently, that is very difficult.
7. Age difference
I have this notion that all the guys my age are stupid and cannot handle life. And I am not wrong at all. I speak from experience. But the pool of guys is depleting and hence I am gladly considering prospective grooms my age. I am trying to overcome this notion/misunderstanding of mine and trying to demolish this criterion.
Life is so weird. I do not know who I am going to get married to...or rather what I am going to be married into.
Current mood: Confused
Current thought: I have to get over my crush
Current song: Low
I guess every girl who is in the process of having an 'arranged marriage' goes through this. What I have finally realized is that one needs to get his/her priorities right. Also, they change all the time. I had a list of criteria and checklists and what not when I started the process which now has reduced to only one - Marry a guy. This is how my criteria have changed/been destroyed -
1. Marry a guy who went to a better school than I did
Well, my school is 11th globally. This criterion left me with a minute pool from prospective grooms from top 10 schools globally. Possible but very very difficult. What I also realized is that not all people wish to go to good schools. Some of them just wish to land at the 'Land of dreams and opportunities' whichever way possible. This criterion had to go away some time or the other.
2. Good salary/Better salary than mine
Salaries differ with places, states, companies, tax systems, fields, domains and everything else. In the US you cannot really define 'good salary' with a fixed number. Also, I earn enough to run a household and pay off my loans. So, I do care less about this one now. Also, I earn more than quite a handful of my prospective grooms. Hence, this should not even be considered anymore.
3. Relocation
Remember how people move from smaller towns to bigger cities? Well, that does not really happen here. People gladly live at remote places because the cost of living is lesser and well...they get jobs there. I am sure I cannot move to a remote location under any circumstances. I cannot compromise with my career. Maybe, I have this attitude because I stay at a good place with plentiful opportunities. But I cannot even imagine relocating to a place that offers anything lesser than what Seattle has to offer. I shamelessly ask people if they are ready to relocate and discontinue when they say 'No'.
4. Not weird and creepy
Every guy I meet has turned out to be creepy some way or the other. For example - I have been yelled at, insulted, and fought with a number of times for no fault of mine. I have interacted with people with really bad temper and manners. One of the guys pointed out that I was being very formal and that I am not responsive at all. To prove his point he showed me our WhatsApp messenger chat and said, "You responded with only 1 message for every 3 messages I sent you". I was shocked that he had so much time to actually go through all our messages and count them! A few guys rejected me because I eat meat. One of them rejected me because I was not on facebook. Such weird things have happened to me that I have no words.
I just want to marry a guy who is not that creepy. Is it that difficult?
5. Good looking
I wanted to marry a hunk until I realized there are no hunks in my caste and creed and the only ones are in my family. Also, I have fallen in love with completely smart but not-so-good-looking guys and hence I have demolished this criterion.
6. Mixture of liberal and traditional
I don't know how this works. I have been raised in a moderate/liberal environment. We are a little traditional but totally not orthodox. Well, my family also has to be liberal since everyone is in the US. We are more like 'best of both the worlds' kinda people and hence we tend to be traditional yet liberal. But apparently, it is very difficult to find a family like ours. Either, families are too traditional or too liberal and I cannot survive in both the extreme cases. I need to be married in a family with moderate families. Apparently, that is very difficult.
7. Age difference
I have this notion that all the guys my age are stupid and cannot handle life. And I am not wrong at all. I speak from experience. But the pool of guys is depleting and hence I am gladly considering prospective grooms my age. I am trying to overcome this notion/misunderstanding of mine and trying to demolish this criterion.
Life is so weird. I do not know who I am going to get married to...or rather what I am going to be married into.
Current mood: Confused
Current thought: I have to get over my crush
Current song: Low
