Sleepless in Seattle - Part 3 - Expectations strike again!

Love/Like/Friendship à Expectations à Frustration and Pain à Mind f***d.

Life feels so scary and apprehensive at times. I feel bound to a set of ‘Things to do’ these days. I have realized that a diary can help me out greatly. But I cannot write my emotional to-do in a calendar, can I?

I’ve thought time and again about the part of my life which has been sabotaged by expectations. I have a really unfortunate habit of expecting great deals out of people, especially the ones I like. Naturally, it is not wrong to expect a little out of people. But there is a very thin line between the two – little expectations and going overboard. And then the definition of ‘thin’ differs from people to people. ‘Fat is the new thin’ for me but for some ‘thin ceases to exist’.

Priorities kill Expectations. I failed to understand the relation earlier. Now I do. ‘Priority’ is the new excuse in town. ‘I did not do this because I had a different priority’ suddenly made super sense to me when I heard the usage a couple of times over a couple of days. I wonder if ‘friends/relatives/spouse/crushes’ fit in ‘priority’ or is it strictly ‘personal’? I guess priorities are influenced by personal choices. Suddenly a thing that would have been the last thing you would do on earth becomes a priority to avoid an expectation. Can happen! Happened to me!

Anyway, expectation is a curse for sure…the curse that has made me the Queen of Mood Swings. I’ve finally decided not to expect anything or at least to lessen expectations from life. I should realize life is not here to serve me whatever I want in a platter. That is one thing life never does. I have learnt this the hard way…still learning…

Mood: Disappointed and Sad.

Sleepless in Seattle - Part 2 - Back Back Back!

It was a perfectly beautiful day and I was having a not so perfect time… career counseling myself. I was trying not to look into my phone for any Whatsapps that could help kill a few minutes from the most important seminar of my life. My phone vibrated unnaturally and so I looked into it. It was already unlocked and the messenger was open. Never knew what my palms could do without thinking. It was him…

I was pretty amused that my deeply hidden messenger opened automatically and the window was his...all this in the most important hour of my day. The messages suddenly felt good. I realized I was sort of yearning to talk to him for a while.

We ended up on a bad note for me and a good one for him. It was neither a relationship nor friendship. I realized I looked up to him. I was naïve and was looking for someone to show me the right path…and he did. You don’t need to be in a relationship to learn things from someone…in fact you don’t even need to be friends with someone. People who are meant to come into your life just walk in and out of your life at the right time. He was one of those.

There is always one guy in everyone’s life who they want to go back to…not literally…not even virtually...neither temporarily nor permanently…just for some time. This guy is always there when you need help, advice, support and anything else that you need. That is not his full time job but maybe he doesn't mind it. He is sort of….your career counselor…who takes care of your emotions, problems and everything else when you are in deep shit. Maybe a Life Mentor! He is the answer to all the questions and solution to all doubts. You don’t need to talk to him all the time…just at the time of need is enough. This low maintenance relationship (I don’t know what to call it) sustains on absolute no-talks. A simple ‘Hi’ from someone is re-assuring and sometimes even a long talk with someone feels fake. There is a certain comfort and re-assurance in a ‘Hi. I am busy.’ It’s funny how some people touch your life so much and so beautifully in a very little time.

I don’t know what such relationships are called. It’s definitely not love. Whatever, it is… feels good.

Sleepless in Seattle - Part 1 - Of faith and hope...

 

So I arrive in this beautiful city…flying from over Dubai, Baghdad, Greenland and what not…half-drunk (partly to recover the flight ticket and partly following orders). The immigration, customs, wifi was not as difficult as I thought it would be. The jet-lag asked too much of me. And so did my phone connection. I started my house-hunt right from the 1^st day of the week. Struggled all the way along. Walked like never before…saw unusual things…tried hard to do away my thoughts of going back.

There comes a day in everyone’s life when he/she wants to go back to the pavilion. That day came into my life right in the 1^st week of my Seattle Life. I had no house, no job, no money… nothing at all. I cribbed about it to a friend…and he helped just his few words. It’s like someone is always there to watch your back. We just need to have faith. And when you lose faith God makes sure that faith is reaffirmed. We all need something to keep us going. One quote, one man, one friend, one thought, one situation… just one thing. And then the dwindling thoughts are just a passé.

Fortunately, the thought of going back has never entered ever since.*touchwood* But I suddenly have full faith in faith. Faith…hope...belief…whatever you call it… that is what keeps the life going. J

Life’s good.

You can find the reasons for my re-affirmed faith below. J