Sleepless in Seattle – Part 6 - Go BIG or Go home

The day had begun even before the day began. We were all suited up! The shady experiences did not occur unexpectedly. It was cold. The suit did not protect me but I did not mind that. I was too nervous to mind. We reached and the grilling began.

I had the unexpected opportunity to sell myself that day (yet to know whether I was successful) to one of the largest firms on earth. The interviewer pushed me to jump off from the 19^th floor. I tried my best to be glued to my seat. After being barbecued in all the rounds we found ourselves in… well… Jeopardy. We, desis, had never heard of it. Apparently, we were supposed to choose a category and answer questions for points.  We went first. The extremely peppy, vivacious, Edward Cullen-looking guy besides me said “A day in life – 1000 points. Go BIG or Go Home!” I could simply focus on ‘Go BIG or Go Home’.

Something about the quote was attractive. Actually, everything was attractive. Just the one statement he made motivated everyone and none would play for less than a thousand points. I figured out everyone sort of agreed to his statement. That is what we are here for, right? For going BIG. Real BIG.

Coming from India I have realized it takes immense guts to even dream big. Support isn’t everywhere. You need to be extremely lucky to dream and to receive the support to fulfil your dreams. Once you reach the pathway nothing can stop you. They are right when they say – “If it hasn’t left your mind for quite some time it is worth a shot.” But it takes guts to even to dream about the thought lingering in your mind since long.

The thought of going BIG made me think. Is it important in life to go big? Maybe it is. Life is all about taking risks, isn’t it? That new girlfriend, new project, new lover, new picture, new workplace, new cuisine, new dress! If we look at life everything seems to be a risk. Will life be fun if we wear the same clothes every day? If we never try to cook a new dish? Every dress is risky. Every dish can be a mess. That’s what makes life fruitful. If we take risks we better make sure it is worth it. It is important to go all the way…in whatever you do. ‘Well begun is half done’ but who wants to be a ‘well begun’. If you take a risk go all the way. Go Big. What’s the use of taking a risk otherwise?

I don’t know if the demi Edward Cullen really meant what he said or he even knew that his simple quote (that he might have used to sell himself) had motivated the entire room. Looks like Motivation happens unknowingly.

Current mood: Lovely.

Current thought: Go BIG or Go Home.

Sleepless in Seattle - Part 5 - Life is Timeless

It’s been a long week… and the irony is I am just done with Tuesday. I feel super exhausted and the mid-term has not even arrived yet. My bed is messy and so is my calendar. I have no clue what to give priority to – love, money, readings, assignments, coursework, job or … life. Life’s been so busy that I haven’t had time to… well… take care of my ‘pratarvidhi’ well.

Just yesterday when I was running in between course and money I learnt about something happy. Unfortunately, I didn’t even have time to *be happy* about it. Weird but true. I suddenly realized… we do miss out on a lot of things just because we don’t *have* time. Those small things, those moments, moments of lust, moments of pure love, moments of laughter, moments of…you know… But such is time, right? You never know what you’ve lost until you realize that you really wanted it. There is going to be a time when you come face to face with whatever you have lost because you had no time – a really sweet girlfriend, an opportunity that didn’t seem like one earlier, a relationship, an offer…just everything. In such time of opportunities can one really have everything?

I remember reading this quote somewhere –

“Time is like a handful of sand- the tighter you grasp it, the faster it runs through your fingers”

 Never knew what it meant until now. I’ve been trying to catch up with everything but have failed literally. It’s really not possible to be everywhere I guess and multi-tasking cannot mean being omnipresent. An attempt to be omnipresent is just an attempt to grasp the sand…tighter. I think it is just time to sit back and not to believe in the song ‘Everything at Once’. The best thing we can do is to hold time, brace ourselves and go with the flow; enjoy whatever comes our way. Sometimes the best plan is to go with the flow.

Sleepless in Seattle - Part 4 - Is it that easy to let go?

It was the most important day of my life in Seattle. I had Big 4 applications to be made and as expected my resume and cover letter were still in the making. To add to it the ghost of my illness had attacked me the night before. I was screwed up by all 3 directions and she made sure that I was attacked from the fourth too.

I woke by being bombarded by her messages. She had all the right to be angry at me but I had no right to retaliate. She had the freedom of speech but I didn’t. She could say whatever she wanted at any point of the day and I couldn’t. And all this for the last 13 years. I’d decided to ignore her but she continued Viber’ing me. I decided to take matters to the higher court – our group.

With a lecture in my kitty and 4 applications to be ‘successfully’ made I did not want to be screwed that day. But there comes a time in my life every year when I am in deep s#!t and she pushes me into a deeper one. That moment of the year had arrived for me. I declared in our whatsapp group that I wasn’t going to talk to her or reply to her messages. And one of us typed the golden words –

“I was wondering if it is that easy to let go off people! Will you guys leave me too if I start throwing tantrums?”

I suddenly felt guilty about it and felt I shouldn’t take such rude steps. I wasn’t sure if I was letting go off my friendship with her but I realized that was how everyone was going to look at it. It was weird for me since I never let go off people in life. I have held on to her, our friendship for a fairly long time but time and again I have regretted my decision of holding on to her. Some people are purely high maintenance and I have realized I don’t have time for that. I am either too full of myself or have lost all my patience to maintain relationships…especially from across the globe. I’ve realized that some people are just not good for you or for your peace of mind. What do you do then? If it is a family member…well…you cannot really do anything about it. But if it is someone you can stay away from I think you should. Not all relationships can be maintained and not relationships are supposed to be.

I know not many shall agree to this but I refuse to feel frustrated and irritated once/twice every year. I refuse to fracture my thumb replying to long messages. I refuse to be vulnerable to a *friend* who hurts me all the time. I refuse to feel cold around someone. Not all relationships are easy-going but if they aren’t they aren’t meant to be. I have struggled with one for 13 years but not anymore. I just lack the patience for that.

I think it is easy to let go off people especially now when you have no time to keep the relationships going. Sometimes you can maintain 3 relationships instead of maintaining a high-maintenance one. It is not recommended but that is all you can do to spare yourself from being attacked again.

P.S: I still love her and wish her the best.