It was the most important day of my life in Seattle. I had
Big 4 applications to be made and as expected my resume and cover letter were
still in the making. To add to it the ghost of my illness had attacked me the
night before. I was screwed up by all 3 directions and she made sure that I was
attacked from the fourth too.
I woke by being bombarded by her messages. She had all the
right to be angry at me but I had no right to retaliate. She had the freedom of
speech but I didn’t. She could say whatever she wanted at any point of the day
and I couldn’t. And all this for the last 13 years. I’d decided to ignore her
but she continued Viber’ing me. I decided to take matters to the higher court –
our group.
With a lecture in my kitty and 4 applications to be ‘successfully’
made I did not want to be screwed that day. But there comes a time in my life every
year when I am in deep s#!t and she pushes me into a deeper one. That moment of
the year had arrived for me. I declared in our whatsapp group that I wasn’t going
to talk to her or reply to her messages. And one of us typed the golden words –
“I was wondering if it is that easy to let go off people!
Will you guys leave me too if I start throwing tantrums?”
I suddenly felt guilty about it and felt I shouldn’t take
such rude steps. I wasn’t sure if I was letting go off my friendship with her
but I realized that was how everyone was going to look at it. It was weird for
me since I never let go off people in life. I have held on to her, our
friendship for a fairly long time but time and again I have regretted my
decision of holding on to her. Some people are purely high maintenance and I have
realized I don’t have time for that. I am either too full of myself or have
lost all my patience to maintain relationships…especially from across the
globe. I’ve realized that some people are just not good for you or for your
peace of mind. What do you do then? If it is a family member…well…you cannot
really do anything about it. But if it is someone you can stay away from I
think you should. Not all relationships can be maintained and not relationships
are supposed to be.
I know not many shall agree to this but I refuse to feel
frustrated and irritated once/twice every year. I refuse to fracture my thumb
replying to long messages. I refuse to be vulnerable to a *friend* who hurts me
all the time. I refuse to feel cold around someone. Not all relationships are
easy-going but if they aren’t they aren’t meant to be. I have struggled with
one for 13 years but not anymore. I just lack the patience for that.
I think it is easy to let go off people especially now when
you have no time to keep the relationships going. Sometimes you can maintain 3
relationships instead of maintaining a high-maintenance one. It is not
recommended but that is all you can do to spare yourself from being attacked
again.
P.S: I still love her and wish her the best.
