My Sibling... My Life...

So you are this sweet little kid and a Princess for your parents. You are their love, their soul and everything else. Their world revolves around you. Your wish is their command. Every word you speak is iterated and re-iterated (the first word you ever spoke, the first time you said ‘ma’ and ‘baba’ etc). Your parents adjust their sleeping schedules according to yours (and you never have a sleeping schedule). Toys, teddy bear, clothes etc. everything belongs to you. Parents are ‘yours and only yours’. You rule the world.
All of a sudden your world turns upside down. Your parents bring home a sweet little kid. You think of him as a guest at first but he refuses to go. Slowly, the kid wears your clothes, plays with your toys and your parents adjust their sleeping schedules according to his. His presence is celebrated. You feel a little neglected and your life changes.

Eventually you start liking this kid. People around you say he is your ‘brother’. Something called as ‘belongingness’ seeps in. You enjoy his company. You play together. He irritates you at times but you learn to adjust. You fight for every little thing on this earth. You oppose things just because he supports them. After a certain period of time the sibling rivalry ceases to exist.  Life starts rolling amidst this chaos.
One day, while you are trying to keep awake in a boring lecture you see a kid crying outside the class. It’s your brother. You excuse yourself from the class and go to see him. He tells you his teacher threw him out of the class because he refused to stop talking to his bench-partner. You request the teacher to allow your younger brother to attend the lecture but she refuses. So the entire 4th grade witnesses a 7th grader almost arguing with their class teacher for the sake of her brother. The teacher finally gives in. For you, your sibling can never be wrong; at least not in front of a 100 people and their class teacher. You grow extremely protective of your sibling. The bottom line remains ‘Only I can fight with my brother. You lay a finger on him and you die.’

You reserve your chocolates for him and he does the same. You plan his birthday in a big way and so does he. You share your secrets and even your pocket money. You are his ‘other and reliable’ source of income. His happiness matters the most to you.

The bond grows stronger with time and the love is unconditional. This is one bond that can be taken for granted come what may. The bond that every sibling is proud of. A sibling is the best gift your parents can ever give you.

Turning 18

I was visiting my cousins and we all decided to watch a late night movie. My younger cousins looked unusually happy and excited during the movie. After the movie ended we went to a CCD (only a coffee could get rid of the headache that the movie gave). Their grin grew even wider. I wondered why small kids would be so elated sipping hot chocolate a little post-midnight while I was dying to finish off the over-priced coffee and go home to retire. I crashed as soon as we reached home. Just then my younger cousins said, “Let’s have a night out. It is almost morning anyway.” My reaction was definitely not a pleasant one to which they said, ”We can have a night out only with you and none else ”. So, a couple of ghost stories welcomed the sun that morning.

“I had a night-out yesterday” might definitely be a fashion statement for kids. Turn 18 and it becomes a regular thing for you. Start working and the most fashionable and pleasant statement is “I slept last night” (because work might not always allow you to have a good night’s sleep). Keeping awake till 2 am is a sense of freedom for kids. Turn 18 and that might be the usual time for you to sleep.

18 brings a sense of freedom to life; sense of ultimate and endless freedom. You get the right to vote, the right to buy a property (though we might have the money for that), to have a boy-friend/girl-friend (or the plural of the same), to move out of the house (mostly done for educational purposes only), to consume alcohol and to smoke (Hell yeah! That sounds cool) and even to get married (not for people who love their independence). 18 is the age when we get experimental in every aspect- highlights, newer haircuts, tattoos and piercings. Late-night parties, alcohol, bigger friend-circles, cigarettes, drugs, spouses, intimacy (in some cases) become every day events. Your parents trust you with the money now and they expect you to learn and handle your own finances. 18 is the age when you think of the word ‘career’ seriously for the first time. Every kid has one bhaiyya/didi that they look up to and whom they find ‘cool’. When you turn 18 you get a chance to become that bhaiyya/didi. 

              

18 is the age when you jump from a lake(junior college) to a sea(degree college). I am sure everyone out there has experienced that major shift in culture then. You are suddenly exposed to the outside world and the change is over-whelming. Life is flattery. Suddenly, some unknown people become the most important people in your life. ‘Relationships’ change every now and then while the ‘Relationship status’ changes more often. We all make a lot of mistakes but believe me you shall laugh about most of them later.

But with great power comes great responsibility. 18 is the age when you can make or break your lives. It takes a great deal of determination to keep away from all the wrong things that you come across (you are no more a ‘juvenile’ for the court). It is upto you to live your life on your own terms and follow your own rules (or not follow any). You are not only given the freedom to take your own decisions but also be responsible for the consequences. If things go wrong you are the one to be blamed (going to ‘that’ party, having that extra peg of vodka, taking semesters lightly etc.). Your security is your responsibility (especially after you drink or do drugs). Everything in moderation is beautiful and everything in extreme is harmful. 18 brings a great deal a freedom but a greater deal of responsibility. You need to realize all the responsibilities and duties in order to be that ‘cool bhaiyya/didi’ that kids can look up to and parents can feel proud of.

Turning 18 is exciting but then so is turning 21 and turning 60. A senior citizen has much more discounts, right? My sincere request to all the kids below 18 is not to dream about becoming adults and enjoy their childhood and to so-called adults above 18 is to be responsible and wise. Just remember, deciding which chocolate to eat is much better than deciding what career is better for you.

Women in IT – Of codes, builds and bugs!

“Please let’s go home now. Just log off.” I told him. The cab was waiting for us downstairs. It was well past 12 am. He did not pay heed to my frustrations and continued working. We left the cubicle only to realize that were not the only ones working late. Many were struggling with codes, builds and bugs. The next day our Team Lead was very pleased with the ‘Good Job’ that we had done. She politely asked me to follow her to her cubicle. I thought the bug that I created the other day was going to fetch me some serious music but I was wrong. All she said was, “Always remember you are a girl. Working late is okay while you are still single but all this shall be impossible for you once you have a family. Always get your priorities right”. That came as a shock to me. I had been working late since quite some time and she knew. Later I realized she was right. Working late has become a culture off late everywhere. And it is a bad one for the long run.

Life is relatively easy when you are a singleton in the IT industry. You can focus on work without any disturbances since you are just on your own. I wonder if colleagues can be best friends. There are limitations everywhere. Also, after a certain period of time all singletons experience the parental pressure to get married and get settled. Going on-site, accepting work opportunities abroad etc. for a woman is not as easy as it is for a man. On-site work opportunity makes the groom-hunt difficult as not many husbands are in favor of their wives staying abroad for a span of 2-3 years. Being single makes you vulnerable to many things. You have an increased work pressure and managers take you for granted since you have no family around and hence no responsibilities.

Diary of a Family Man: Get up. Work. Come back. Eat. Sleep.

Diary of a Family Woman: Get up. Get kids ready. Tiffins. Work. Come back. Make dinner. Take care of in-laws. Homework for kids. Household chores. Eat. Sleep. Women always have a longer list of ‘things to do’. The diary is fatter if you are married. You have to be a super woman in order to handle life this way.

I see a lot of ‘family women’ managing the situations and pressures every day. Kids, husbands, in-laws, families, teams, managers, work, calls…it is not easy to do everything all at the same time. You have to cope with a lot of pressures if you are married. Also, every minute has to be utilized effectively so that you get enough time and breaks for other personal matters. Many companies provide with day-care facilities for children of their employees. Working ladies can be rest assured that their children are taken care off in those cases. Many companies also have dormitories for pregnant ladies so that they get enough rest amidst working hours. Pregnant ladies also get a lot of privileges (they can break the queues!). But that is it. You still have to work, attend all meetings, calls and manage your teams.

Apart from this we also have one more obstacle in the rat race we commit ourselves to – harassment.  The ‘odd working hours’ culture makes you vulnerable to a lot of unwanted elements. ‘Sexually colored’ remarks, lewd comments, offensive statements or even casual flirting at work can create a hostile environment for a woman. If the culture of a company is not free enough it might be difficult for a woman to handle such situations. The new law passed by Indian parliament would not really help. Many companies have their own version of anti-harassment laws (we all know the Phaneesh Murthy case.) It is upto the woman herself to take the matters in her own hands and report such incidences. Anonymity is maintained and harassment cases are handled with utmost care. But the scars of such incidences take a long time to heal.

                 

The IT industry is, undoubtedly, glamorous. The independence, money, parties, experience and opportunities are all worth it. But it takes a lot for a woman to survive in IT than it takes for a man. The field is not gender-biased and everyone gets equal opportunities purely based on merit. No quotas, no special treatments and every individual is treated as equal. Maybe a relaxed job would have been better but I would never have been able to enjoy the life as I do now. It is the thrill that I look forward to. Life should be challenging. After spending a year in IT I think it is just perfect for me.