Top 10 things on your mind when in a meeting!

1.     How to go out of this meeting?

The moment you enter the meeting you start thinking about routes to escape from one. You start searching for reasons to excuse yourself.

2.     Why is the clock moving so slow?

Or why is not moving at all?! The time comes to a standstill. While in a meeting every minute seems like an hour. You look at the watch, a few people talk for hours; you look at the watch again and realize those hours lasted only 5 minutes!

3.     Oh God! Why me?

In every meeting (especially stand-up meetings) limited work is assigned to every individual. The workflow always breaks down when it comes to you. You always feel you’re noting down more tasks than the person next to you.

4.     Chipped nail-paint and shiny shoes

You have no time to talk to your colleagues when working but when in a meeting you tend to observe their personal appearance thoroughly. Now you know that your teammate needs to paint her nails well and that your boss uses a better show polish than you do.

5.     Whatsapp, Gmail, Texts, Line, Hike, Twitter etc.etc.…

Suddenly you realize that all the messengers on your phone require attention. You have this urge to check the messages received every now and then. Somehow, receiving a message when in a meeting makes you feel important.

6.     Can I sleep, please?

When in a meeting all you want to do is doze off! It doesn't matter even if the meeting is the most important meeting of your life. All you want to do is sleep! The chair and the conference table are comfortable enough.

7.     He/She is looking/smiling/talking too much

It’s a meeting and everyone chips in and then some people chip in too much. Suddenly you notice someone smiling a bit too much at you or someone else. You wonder if the smile means more work or a new crush or just that he/she had a nice treat last night!

8.     Blue-sky, blue sea, green trees…

Sometimes in the middle of the meeting you find yourself staring at the vastness of the blue sky and the sea. You try to figure out if the sea shows all the shades of blue or if the sky is dramatic enough. You become very observant and realize that the factory outlet near you is polluting the air far more than you thought it would.

9.     Does he know anything at all?

You never pay attention to the content of a conversation but easily pick up the grammar and spelling mistakes that people make. If someone fails to use a feature of Excel or Word efficiently you wonder if he is even worth sitting in that chair. You have an urge to tell the person steering the meeting a short cut that he/she can use to do this mundane task better.

10. What was I thinking again?

And you will never get an answer to this question.You’ll seldom be able to recall the path your mind traversed before coming to the final thought that you think about. Generally you even forget the main motive of a meeting.

10 things that happen to you in Mid-twenties

1.      Howmuchever your salary is you feel you work for peanuts. Money is never enough. You hardly save and money is too little to even be tracked by an app.

2.      ‘Face Book’ suddenly becomes the ‘Wedding Book’. The notifications speak only of ‘wedding’, ‘engagement’ and ‘pregnancy’.

3.      You travel and you travel a lot to attend people’s marriages. You take random trips and suddenly feel good about life.

4.      You detest going home and attending family functions because all parents/relatives/people who call themselves your family talk only about your marriage. Your marriage seems to be the sole purpose of their lives.

5.      You have at least one dream that seems impossible to attain. And even the attainable ones seem to be impossible. Example – Eating healthy, going to gym regularly, saving money etc.

6.      Friday and Monday are the longest days of the week and they squeeze Saturday and Sunday between them to death.

7.      Every conversation begins or ends with laundry, bills and recipes.

8.      You spend quite some time contemplating your future with the wrong ones or the ones who could have been right. And in the end you feel happy to have chosen the path you did.

9.       You feel you are caught in the wrong field. You always want to switch your industry – from IT to writing, from sports to acting and what not.

10.  You never know what you want out of life. It’s amusing when your parents ask you about it.

Over think-ing!

So I reached office unusually early today and had breakfast on time too (which happened after 7 months maybe). I was constantly reminding myself to be extremely humble to everyone (mom asked me to be- blame it on my bad horoscope). So… we were at the breakfast table and I told this to my cubie. I told her how my pearl (which is supposed to suppress my anger) has not really been working at all. I have been acting like a volcano quite literally and am sort of fed up of it. She said, “But when do you get angry?? I cannot believe that you do!” Well, I was very happy that she thought so high of me but I had no way of explaining my idiotic behavior to her. Anyway, the day progressed.

I was trying to concentrate on my ‘almost no work’ when I decided to enter the bad world (read: office communicator). I’ve kept away from it for a lot of reasons. Primarily because I wanted to keep to myself. It’s irritating at times to entertain people you’ve been running away from (long list for me). Somehow I ended up logging in and pinging a close friend of mine. I had to blurt things out. A lot has been bothering me these days. Life is not really rosy. So anyway, just when I thought I was feeling good about myself my cubie said, “Chalo, chocolates leke aaye. X is leaving today.”

I looked at her in horror. This was the nth guy who was leaving my wing in the past few weeks. My wing has witnessed at least one ‘Last working day - Sweets at my desk’ every week in the past few weeks. This week had been marked too. I had met X at the Indian ocean concert. I checked my mail box to see if he had invited me. There lied the 2 emails… ‘Last day at work’ and ‘Sweets at my desk – FCFS!’.

We went to see him. Yes, I took 2 extra chocolates (as usual). I tried to talk to him like this…

“Congrats. Where to?”, I asked with a super sad face somehow.

“Bangalore.”

“So, you had appeared for all those exams?” (P.S: I had no idea what those exams are.)

“Yes.” He said this as he was attending a prank call from his regional friends.

My cubie entered the conversation asking if he joined as a PO. I had no idea what it was. I realized that I had no knowledge about any other sector. But it is okay. As if I had a lot of knowledge about the sector I was working for I thought.

While returning to my desk I shared one of the 3 picked up chocolates with my senior (works as a bribe so that he does not give me work).  I reached my second home. I found myself staring at his ‘Last day email’. I wonder why I was so shocked! I guess I was more worried than shocked. Not because another person I knew was leaving but because I had no idea about my future. I saw dreams, worked for them, and that’s it. I haven’t really seen a ray of hope yet. My nerves felt tensed. My future was in darkness. Probably that is what has been bothering me so much for the last few days I thought. I had been a mobile volcano for the last few days and felt the most miserable in ages. Miserable, helpless, whatever you call it.

The uncertainties were bothering me. My plans have been completely random for the past few months – from deciding to get married to deciding against it to planning to study to pursuing random crushes… it has all been super random. My life can as well be the new definition of random.

Suddenly, I found myself worrying about the pani puri from the FC. Time was running out and it would be finished soon. I decided to run towards my new goal. And I missed out on that too; it was over by the time I started pursuing it. I returned disappointed to find that I did not really have much work to do. So I decided to go a little extra mile and wrote a user story for a scenario not covered. Ofcourse I was happy about it.

My boss came over. I showed him that scenario (since I had used my brains for it). I asked him my doubts (I am sure he will remember me forever as his most doubt-full team member). And he told me that the extra scenario I had written would only spoil the estimate and was unwanted. I was disappointed again since that was the only story I had used my rotting brain for! He told me that I had over-thought about the scenario and that I needed to stop thinking at all.

He was right. I had over thought a lot. Not just about the scenario but about life too. I had been super tensed over the past few days for all sorts of reasons. I had always been an inch away from crying because of the uncertainty which was not all that bad. I saw dreams, worked for it, and had done whatever I could have. I had played well and the ball was in God’s court now… or luck’s court… or in whomsoever it may concern’s court. I just have to keep calm and wait for the ball to be thrown back at me. Then I could both stand dumb and let it hit me right on my face or be prepared and hit it back wonderfully. I decided not to think and keep calm.

I realized the power of ‘over thinking’. It has all the power to wipe off sanity and let all the bad thoughts flow. It just makes you miserable. It makes you wonder…and wonder…till you start thinking negative and cry about the whole situation (unnecessarily). The hypothetical thinking does not really work well at times. Sometimes, I feel it is better not to think at all rather than over-think. That was not going to help me in my scenarios though.

Anyway, I deleted that scenario, saved the document and shut down my computer. I thought it was time for me to live and let live my brain too. I realized my misery flew away in no time after I stopped over-thinking. And, of course I realized that my pearl had not stopped working after all.

Sab Moh Maya hai!

It was an unusual morning. I had unexpectedly scored exceptionally well in a test that I thought I would flunk in (worth mentioning because it is a miracle!). I had sneezed 20 times more than I usually do. Everything was unusual about the situation – the place (my much unpredicted trip to Mumbai), the time (3 AM in the morning), the weather (very cold; something that I never get to experience). I was abnormally laid back about my early morning flight; as if I did not care. My bag was not packed and I had no idea about what I had pack either. It is so not me I thought. I always flip out when I am slated to travel. But today, I wanted life to take its course.

We left at 4, well past the time we should have. We were supposed to discuss all serious things on the way to the airport. My family always takes the pain to drop me off to the airport and waits till I check in, be it any time of the day. It was 4 am and the discussion started. The lists were refined. Our thoughts aligned for the first time. I could not believe it simply because I and my parents never thought on the same lines. None of us would ever compromise on anything. And it was never about ego. Ego does not really exist in my family. It has always been about views – different minds different ideas. So we reached a consensus. And everything was resolved. I was happy that they were happy. My happiness never matters to me. I always want my family to be happy. Period.

The last month had been terrible for me personally. I was forced to take a lot of decisions – all of which were desperate. I wonder how my brain thinks! Evenings were detested for a reason. I spent hours on phone – all crying. My parents were worried. Everyone questioned my impulsive decisions. None supported. I know my decisions were a little haywire. But then I just wanted to realize my dreams. And I was dying a little every time they disagreed. My dream is the only thing I want right now. This very sudden trip to Mumbai was only to make peace, to let my parents know that (howmuchever I go bonkers) I am still theirs.

I checked in and swiftly moved around the airport. I am so used to this place I thought. I can never get lost at this huge airport. My brain starts churning and thinks brilliantly every time I visit that place. I should have taken all my exams at the airport. Who knows I would have aced every one of them! It is as if I belong there. I thought of shopping for some time (yes, the airport is a shopping paradise) but the boarding had already started. I checked in at foursquare, tweeted on twitter and hopped on to the bus that led us the plane. Early morning flights are lovely (courtesy: free breakfast). I never liked the service of this particular airline though (because of the not-so-good-looking hostess and the way they handle luggage) but what the heck! They serve the best breakfast! (I actually dream about their food!). So I comfortably took my seat, made a small talk to the Saudi based south Indian seated beside me (one always sits beside me BTW) and got so engrossed in the movie that I did not even realize that the plane had taken off. I did not even realize the jerk (and that was not because of the pilot's efficiency) but because a) I had grown used to it or b) I had lost all my senses.

And it struck me…how much I am used to the pleasures of my life (unfortunately all of which are expensive!). Frequent flying, chauffeur driven cars, visiting the best restaurants in the city, staying at the best places, buying the most expensive things impulsively – all have become an integral part of life. I realized how material-driven life can be. But a Gucci bag can make us happy just once. You grow over every pleasure of life and sooner or later forget its significance. Maybe that’s when you should destroy the desire. But I guess everyone is neck-deep into the material world already. Everyone wears brands, every kid wants the best of the toys, every girl wants a diamond, every man wants a Roland…and the list is endless. Personally, I am drowned. And I see no signs of recovering either.

I wonder if material pleasure means happiness! It certainly means a lot though. The pleasure is way over-rated; is rated well over happiness. I am not really sure why the world has turned materialistic- competition maybe or societal pressure. Because Mr. Singh has a BMW Mr. Chaddha will buy an Audi! Everyone believes in ‘If you’ve got it…Flaunt it!’. I have realized that this kinda attitude is difficult to be destroyed and is inherited too. ‘Man is greedy’ and we have to accept it. The greed has taken over man and it rules. The desire is so strong that none can really beat it. It has become the way of life and soon it shall drive life. Or maybe it already does. We earn so that we can buy things to flaunt and we try to earn more so that we can buy costlier things the next time. It is a vicious cycle or even worse a ‘Maya jaal’ kinda thing from the story books. A bigger car, lip gloss that shall make your lips fuller, foundation with sheen…sab moh-maya hai! ‘Simple living and high thinking’ said someone zillion years ago. I wonder if it holds true now! As I was trying to define ‘simple’ the pilot spoke in his supremely sensuous voice. I have never paid attention to announcements but today his voice forced me to. We had landed and sunny weather awaited me. I thought of peeping into the cockpit while leaving just to see if the voice and personality matched. But ‘All that glitters is not gold’ stands true for me on every occasion. So I politely left wishing the hostess hoping that my luggage has not been man-handled this time.

What kind are you?

It was 3 pm and the AC was in full swing. My eyelids were heavier than they were a minute ago. I glanced at the monitor every once a while to assure myself that this too shall pass. I tried to speak up in between so that my lead thought I was paying enough attention (which I was clearly not). My mind was full asleep and I could have fallen flat on my face any moment. Suddenly she said, “I know you can do it. You know everything”. And I lost all my sleep. The ‘Knowledge Transfer’ session was over and I was expected to know ‘everything’. I looked at my colleagues and realized they were totally excited about the new project. I opened my eyes and looked around. My workplace suddenly seemed categorized:

1.  The ‘You know everything’ people – All bosses, leads, senior professionals fall under this category. This category enjoys the freedom and frequent opportunities to say ‘You know everything’ to all the people working with them. The other sentences that they use is ‘You can do it.’, ‘Ask me if you have any doubts’ etc. But when you actually have doubts they are too ‘busy’ to help you out. They make you feel like a Superman before they give you a critical task. People wear ‘Superman’ T-shirts but sometimes you feel like wearing a T-shirt that says ‘I am not a Superman’. Additionally, they have all the authority to levy additional responsibilities on you (can be personal too). But you have to be in good books of this category because they have full control of your career.

2. The Blessed – Some people are just blessed with whatever skills. A few ones are always in demand. If you have knowledge you can show off. The first category fights to hire people from this category. People from this category are super blessed to be never out of work. They earn all the perks, accolades, love, and compensatory offs (the most important). They can demand anything from the first category and believe me, they get it. They can make the first category dance to their tunes. They are not really worried about their appraisals and feedbacks because they know they are wanted. Basically, they rule.

3. The Butterflies – There was a saying ‘Jack of all trades but Master of none’. Well, people from this category are the Masters of all trades. The above saying does not hold true for them. The people from this category are everywhere and they are good at whatever. The guy can be an award-winning employee and win a modeling contest too! These people are social butterflies and hence are omnipresent. They know everyone and everyone knows them. They are demi-celebrities. You can easily recognize people from this category because they can be seen wherever you go.

4. The resources – A chunk of the employees fall in this category. The people from this category generally come to work before the working hours begin and work till forever. They seldom take breaks and are always tensed. They easily fall prey to all the ‘important tasks to be accomplished over the weekend’. They worship work. ‘Fun’ is a far-fetched dream for them. They are the ‘nice people’ who never complain. ‘The more the merrier’ is what they think about work. They adhere to all the deadlines and they are the only ones who take clients seriously. The people from category 1 need people from this category. This category secretly wishes to be like category 3 and is envious of category 2.

Women in IT – Of codes, builds and bugs!

“Please let’s go home now. Just log off.” I told him. The cab was waiting for us downstairs. It was well past 12 am. He did not pay heed to my frustrations and continued working. We left the cubicle only to realize that were not the only ones working late. Many were struggling with codes, builds and bugs. The next day our Team Lead was very pleased with the ‘Good Job’ that we had done. She politely asked me to follow her to her cubicle. I thought the bug that I created the other day was going to fetch me some serious music but I was wrong. All she said was, “Always remember you are a girl. Working late is okay while you are still single but all this shall be impossible for you once you have a family. Always get your priorities right”. That came as a shock to me. I had been working late since quite some time and she knew. Later I realized she was right. Working late has become a culture off late everywhere. And it is a bad one for the long run.

Life is relatively easy when you are a singleton in the IT industry. You can focus on work without any disturbances since you are just on your own. I wonder if colleagues can be best friends. There are limitations everywhere. Also, after a certain period of time all singletons experience the parental pressure to get married and get settled. Going on-site, accepting work opportunities abroad etc. for a woman is not as easy as it is for a man. On-site work opportunity makes the groom-hunt difficult as not many husbands are in favor of their wives staying abroad for a span of 2-3 years. Being single makes you vulnerable to many things. You have an increased work pressure and managers take you for granted since you have no family around and hence no responsibilities.

Diary of a Family Man: Get up. Work. Come back. Eat. Sleep.

Diary of a Family Woman: Get up. Get kids ready. Tiffins. Work. Come back. Make dinner. Take care of in-laws. Homework for kids. Household chores. Eat. Sleep. Women always have a longer list of ‘things to do’. The diary is fatter if you are married. You have to be a super woman in order to handle life this way.

I see a lot of ‘family women’ managing the situations and pressures every day. Kids, husbands, in-laws, families, teams, managers, work, calls…it is not easy to do everything all at the same time. You have to cope with a lot of pressures if you are married. Also, every minute has to be utilized effectively so that you get enough time and breaks for other personal matters. Many companies provide with day-care facilities for children of their employees. Working ladies can be rest assured that their children are taken care off in those cases. Many companies also have dormitories for pregnant ladies so that they get enough rest amidst working hours. Pregnant ladies also get a lot of privileges (they can break the queues!). But that is it. You still have to work, attend all meetings, calls and manage your teams.

Apart from this we also have one more obstacle in the rat race we commit ourselves to – harassment.  The ‘odd working hours’ culture makes you vulnerable to a lot of unwanted elements. ‘Sexually colored’ remarks, lewd comments, offensive statements or even casual flirting at work can create a hostile environment for a woman. If the culture of a company is not free enough it might be difficult for a woman to handle such situations. The new law passed by Indian parliament would not really help. Many companies have their own version of anti-harassment laws (we all know the Phaneesh Murthy case.) It is upto the woman herself to take the matters in her own hands and report such incidences. Anonymity is maintained and harassment cases are handled with utmost care. But the scars of such incidences take a long time to heal.

                 

The IT industry is, undoubtedly, glamorous. The independence, money, parties, experience and opportunities are all worth it. But it takes a lot for a woman to survive in IT than it takes for a man. The field is not gender-biased and everyone gets equal opportunities purely based on merit. No quotas, no special treatments and every individual is treated as equal. Maybe a relaxed job would have been better but I would never have been able to enjoy the life as I do now. It is the thrill that I look forward to. Life should be challenging. After spending a year in IT I think it is just perfect for me. 

         

P.S I love you

                She woke up with a heavy head. She could not feel anything. She struggled to open her swollen eyes. She looked around. Everything was unusually silent. She saw the mirror. She saw that her swollen eyes were still moist. She was worried to carry the ‘P.S I love you’ hangover to work. Anybody could figure out her bad mood. Everything showed on her face.

                She decided to make herself a large cup of tea. She knew nothing could beat the ‘P.S I love you’ hangover. She had watched the movie ‘P.S. I love you’ the previous night and had decided to draft a last email. Every scene reminded her of him, of the time they spent together, of the many days they spent and of the way he left her…. Unfortunately by choice. She still wondered what went wrong. Every time she looked back she only saw her faults, her mistakes and everything that might have gone wrong.

                She had written the last email with a heavy heart. It was painful to pen your last words to someone who was/is still her life. They were together for a long time and he had been her only love. He was ‘love at first sight’ for her. She had fallen for him even before she knew how to spell ‘love’. Whatever the case was…. Everything was over now. He did not want her back and was probably very happily in love with someone else. And here she was, completely torn.

                In the last email she apologized for everything. She wanted him badly. She wanted to be alive again. She could not think of her future because in a way… she had grown with the relationship. She grew up with him. It was impossible for her to think of her future without him. But she did not ask him to come back. Because she knew she had hurt him badly. And nothing could help now. The first thing she checked in her phone that morning was emails. She did not expect a reply from him. And she had not received any.

                She went to work. She knew she would go mad if she was idle. Thankfully she was not. She kept thinking about him in all the time. In the team meeting thankfully her part was over and so she was free to day-dream. She decided to check her cellphone. Surprise Surprise! He reverted.

                He asked her to be happy with her new life. He asked her not to be sad that it ended but be happy that it happened. He said it did not work out because it was not meant to happen. Her question: Why did it happen at the first place if it was not meant to be? It was a short email but she kept on reading it endlessly. She wanted every word of his to sink in. She wanted her mind to know that she has to move on since he has moved on. She could not react…maybe she did not want to. This reply was expected. And he had written it as a friend and not as her ex.

                She decided to shut her phone and concentrate on the meeting. She had gone numb. She could not believe things had ended like this. He had wished her very best for her future with her new partner. And he did with all the ease. She wanted to laugh it off. She was young and she made mistakes. But she knew falling in love again was a difficult task. She no more struggled to think or to fall in love again. In the movie Holly could not fall in love with anyone after Gerry…and so she knew she would have a tough time too.

Because she knew she would love him till the end.

P.S I love you.