The Un-Marry-able ones…

It was a rainy day and I was yearning to pee. I used to go to this yoga class where I never thought I would meet someone so E X O T I C. Agree or not there was something super exotic about this guy I met… Err.. in the bathroom. I peed first and he was next. Obviously, I couldn’t see him in his eye while I walked out. As he shut the door I realized I had forgotten my phone near the wash-basin (nothing disgusting about it. The wash basin was its cleanest self). I knocked. He obliged.

“I am Sorry but I kept my phone in the bathroom. Can you please pass it on to me?” A very wrong question to be asked to a guy who is busy peeing I tell you.

“Maybe you can take it later.” He said with an accent. And the heart races!

If I were who I am in my head I would have taken this opportunity and noted down his number right away! But some imaginary ring in my finger stopped me.

As so-not-expected the guy initiated a conversation the next day. I obliged. I had to. He is too extraordinary to be ignored. So here I was…talking to an International Desi. A desi becomes exotic the moment he steps on a foreign soil. Somehow the looks, the gait, the accent, the gestures, the smile, the laugh….every damn thing about a guy changes the moment he lands overseas. I had to steer him clear of any dating possibility and his disappointment was evident.

It was another rainy afternoon when he was talking to our yoga teacher about marriage. Apparently, the oh-it’s-so-difficult-to-keep-my-hands-off-you desi guy was in his early thirties and still in search of ‘true love’ and a ‘good girl’. He seemed to just walk out of some bollywood movie to me. Maybe he should stop watching those. The truth of life is that it is wayyy to difficult to find ‘true love’ and open your eyes dude!! Good girls are everywhere!

I interrupted “And why won’t you find a good girl?” (I wanted to propose my candidature but damn you Imaginary ring!)

“Umm.. I don’t know! Girls today are too ambitious and independent.” he said. I was shocked to hear that from a global desi who must’ve seen volumes of go-getting women abroad. If he thought that I wonder what desi men think!

“So? You can marry an independent girl. Can’t you?” I retaliated.

And then it dawned upon me…the truth of unmarried men! The ambition, the independence, the goals, the career…everything is turning the girls of this age un-marry-able.

I went through all the texts on our all-career-girls whatsapp group (the closest gang I have). We just spoke about the freedom, independence, career, goals, life….that’s it! No guy talks… EVER! Yes, we are independent, career-oriented, ambitious, free-bird. We are shrewd, smart, wise, beautiful. We are women! I don’t see a problem with that!

Men complain women won’t leave their careers to build up a family. Well, we do adjust but surely cannot leave our careers. Well, here is a question…WILL YOU? It is not wrong to be ambitious about ones career, right? If men can be ambitious so can women be! I feel it is completely wrong on a man’s part to expect his partner to take care of the household. Equal opportunities. Equal duties. Equal responsibilities. (I do not say Women are Equal to Men. We are definitely superior.)

Anyway, all of a sudden I found the women categorized into 2 groups – The marriage material and the unmarriageable ones. Unfortunately, all the women running behind their careers fall in the second category and hence they are sort of…unreachable (I think it is unattainable really).

I have no clue why men would have a problem marrying ambitious women. Whether it goes against their male ego or if they feel threatened and intimidated by the presence of the independent ladies. All I want to say is…this is going to be the rule now - Equality of responsibilities. Anyway the ‘marriage material’ ladies already have their face book walls full of the Wedding pictures but the un-marry-able ones are ruling the world! ;)

10 things that happen to you in Mid-twenties

1.      Howmuchever your salary is you feel you work for peanuts. Money is never enough. You hardly save and money is too little to even be tracked by an app.

2.      ‘Face Book’ suddenly becomes the ‘Wedding Book’. The notifications speak only of ‘wedding’, ‘engagement’ and ‘pregnancy’.

3.      You travel and you travel a lot to attend people’s marriages. You take random trips and suddenly feel good about life.

4.      You detest going home and attending family functions because all parents/relatives/people who call themselves your family talk only about your marriage. Your marriage seems to be the sole purpose of their lives.

5.      You have at least one dream that seems impossible to attain. And even the attainable ones seem to be impossible. Example – Eating healthy, going to gym regularly, saving money etc.

6.      Friday and Monday are the longest days of the week and they squeeze Saturday and Sunday between them to death.

7.      Every conversation begins or ends with laundry, bills and recipes.

8.      You spend quite some time contemplating your future with the wrong ones or the ones who could have been right. And in the end you feel happy to have chosen the path you did.

9.       You feel you are caught in the wrong field. You always want to switch your industry – from IT to writing, from sports to acting and what not.

10.  You never know what you want out of life. It’s amusing when your parents ask you about it.

Amie

‘Marriage’ takes you places, quite literally. Mine took me to a new country. What I thought would be a gala time for me turned out to be just the opposite for all I did was wash clothes, utensils, cook, shop, mop and everything else on my own. Settling down would take quite some time. The loneliness was irritating. I could not gel well with the snobbish wives of his bosses either. My only ray of hope was my in-laws visiting us. Since this country was going to be our base for quite some time we decided to move into a bigger and more comfortable apartment. After considering all the pros and cons of all the locales around we zeroed down on a couple of them. We went to check out the first one.

It was a pleasant day. I looked at my husband. He was busy asking for directions to the house-owners, Rob and Mia, on phone. Just when I was wondering whether to curse the weather for being so romantic or my husband for not being romantic at all a young girl (3-4 years of age) banged into me with her scooter. She was too cute to be shouted at. I looked at her and smiled. I bent down, placed her falling hairband properly and asked her name. Her cheeks turned red when she replied, “Amie”. She left a smile on my face. He looked at me and said, “We are almost there. The house is second on left.”

The house was beautiful. I liked it instantly. The wooden floor, the beautiful furniture, the warm fireplace; it was all perfect. It was my ‘dream house’. I looked at my husband and gave him the ‘approval’ look. We settled on the very comfortable couch and the conversation started flowing. The owners were apparently moving out because Mia wanted to settle down near her parents. After some time, Mia went to the kitchen to fetch tea, Rob went to answer the doorbell and my husband got busy with his Blackberry.

Suddenly I saw some movement. It was Amie behind the sofa. She looked at me, smiled and signaled me to keep quiet. Looked like she was playing hide and seek. I was wondering how she entered. I looked into the kitchen and saw the opened back door. So, Amie was Mia and Rob’s kid I thought. I was about to talk about Amie when the Mia arrived with tea and cookies.

We went ahead to check the rooms after tea. The master bedroom was lovely and beautifully decorated. There were only pictures of Rob and Mia; there was no sign of Amie. We went to the next bedroom. The kids bedroom was dark and showed no sign of furniture. “We don’t really visit this room much”, Mia said. I wondered why! She closed the door and we went downstairs. I suddenly thought that the double bed we had might not be accommodated into the kids bedroom. I asked Rob if I could go to the kids room and check if the bed would fit there. I knew I was getting too excited considering we had not even signed the rental agreement but the house was definitely worth it. I opened the door to find Amie running around the room with a teddy bear in her hand. I was amazed to find her there again. On seeing me she stopped and walked towards me.

“Are you going to stay here?”, she asked.

“I hope so. We like your house. Besides, your parents and you are going to shift to a bigger apartment. So we will take care of this small house.”

“Well, I will never leave this house. Can I stay with you?” she asked.

I smiled at her, a little louder, and gave her a peck again.

“Sure baby. You can stay with us.”

“Thank you.” And she started running around again.

I took the measurements and left the room.

I went downstairs to meet curious eyes. Rob and Mia gave me a blank stare. My husband looked embarrassed.

“Whom were you talking to?” Rob asked.

I said, “Amie”, and their faces flushed. Mia collapsed and Rob rushed to comfort her.

“What did she say?” Mia asked.

“Oh! She didn’t look happy with your decision of moving out. She wants to stay here forever she said.”

“You cannot talk to Amie. She died a year ago in a road accident while playing on her scooter.” Rob said.

“How can that be? I can see her everywhere!” I said.

Rob and Mia were speechless and so were we.

The brakes screeched and my head hit on the driver’s seat. I woke up to realize all it was just a dream. We got down and started walking towards the place we were about to rent. I could identify with the surroundings. It was a Déjà vu moment. I looked at the trees, the houses, and the street and wondered if I had visited this place before. A cute little girl banged into me with her scooter. She was too cute to be shouted at. I looked at her and smiled. I bent down, placed her falling hairband properly and asked her name. Her cheeks turned red when she replied, “Amie”.

A letter to Akhila...

Dear Akhila,

Hope this letter finds you happy and beautiful as you are. I know this letter has taken you by surprise. I was very estatic to meet you. Unfortunately, that is not possible now. I take this letter as an opportunity to share my life with you.

I know you must have always wondered about my existence. I am Sorry to have abandoned you the way I did. I should not have. But i was naive and I was just 18 years old when I conceived you. That moment of passion was a mistake and it should not have happened. But 'love is blind' they say. You are the very first love of my life. That was my first year away from home and I just wanted to break free. I know I committed a big mistake. I am Sorry I could not be your mother. I am Sorry I could not give you the life that i wished to give you.

I heard about your grades from your foster parents. I am such a proud mother today. I am sure your parents must be used to such proud moments by now. I saw a lot of trophies lined up at your deck when I visited you some time ago. You were visiting your grandparents then. Your father was beaming with pride when he told me about your achievements in the field of sports. You have got that from your birth father, dear Akhila. He was a national-level athlete too. We loved each other a lot and we loved you even more. But we were a very young couple and incapable of handling ourselves. Hence, we decided to put you up for adoption. We could not have taken care of you the way your foster parents have. They have provided you with all the luxuries and raised you to become a wonderful lady.

A word of caution for you, Akhila. Do not be afraid to fall in love but be practical. Do not lose control. Don't be afraid to make mistakes but may every mistake be sensible. Make new mistakes every day. Learn from each one of them. Make sure none suffers because of your mistakes, not even you. Take risks but not with a life. Akhila, do not make the mistake I made. I do not say you were a mistake...but giving you up for a better future was one.

I want to see you getting married, my dear daughter. I want to see you in the red lehenga that I send you with this letter. Hope you get married to the right guy. Take your time to fall in love but always fall in love with the right person. Have kids, raise them and see them grow. Let them be who they want to be. Set life free and it will take beautiful turns.

Always remember one thing - none has the right to treat you the wrong way. None has the right to touch you inappropriately - not even your father. Always know your rights and duties, Akhila. I know your parents have raised you well. You are a very beautiful lady. I want you to be strong too. Be strong enough to raise a voice against injustice. Be strong enough to support yourself and your family when required.  Always stand for your family. Family is one thing you must cherish forever. Stand tall in every adversity because nothing in life is permanent.

I want to tell you something about myself too. You have all the right to know your birth Mother. Your parents told me that you knew you were adopted, though they never wanted to reveal it to you. You never asked about me. After you were born we gave you up for adoption. Your foster parents volunteered. Me and your birth father were very choosy about the couple whom we would give you up to. Your foster parents fitted in all the criteria perfectly. Me and your birth father were madly in love with each other. Unfortunately, he passed away in an accident and I was left with tears and memories of you and him. I graduated, got a job, got married and conceived 2 beautiful children. Despite all this I have never spent a day without thinking about you. I never wanted you be aware of my existence, simply because i thought you would despise me. There was no reason for me to enter your life after all this time.

I am extremely grateful to your parents for letting me pen down this letter to you. This might be my last letter ever. Not because I do not wish to write letters to you anymore but because I cannot.  I might be no more by the time this letter reaches you. My cancer has reached the last stage and getting in touch with you was my last wish. I want to tell you that I have missed you all my life; that I am extremely Sorry to have left you the way I did; that I love you a lot. I hope you forgive me for this.

P.S: Your parents are wonderful. I love you a lot.

P.S Parents: Thank you for letting me write. And Thank you for raising Your daughter so wonderfully.

Lots of love and blessings,
Yours lovingly,
Mom. :)