Where is the love?!

She opened her eyes. Her journey was far from over. She had fallen asleep amidst the travel sickness and tears. She checked her phone. No message from him. She knew this was a big decision that she had taken. She had promised herself that this would be her last attempt to save the relationship. Family was an obstacle. But he was more important to her than anything else. She had made a decision of visiting him despite the issues. She wanted him in her life.

She reached the bus stand. He had not come to pick her up. She reached the hotel. She wore his favorite dress and his favorite perfume. She dressed up just the way he liked her. 'One last time' she thought. She left to meet him. He knew she would be in the city but he had not made any attempts to get in touch with her.

She called him. He answered. They decided to meet for coffee at a nearby CCD. She spotted him on her way to the coffee shop. She called him. They met. No hugs, no kisses..just a plain 'Hello' with a broken smile. They walked together. The beauty of every moment they spent together had disappeared. She had asked the coffee shop manager to reserve their favorite coffee table for them and had pre-ordered their favorites. Their eyes met for the first time after months. She had the same sparkle in her eyes. Sadly, he seemed distant. They spoke about him - cricket, friends, photos and life. He did not enquire about her. She felt the distance. He was about to leave but she wanted to extend the date. She asked him for a movie. He obliged.

They went to the movie hall. She met her friends. She had come to meet only him and so she had told none. She wanted to flaunt him. He used to be her trophy but today she found him a couple of yards away looking into his phone. He seemed lost. She got the hint. They saw a foreign movie. She did not understand the language. He took all the pains to translate every line to her. She felt the closeness. She held his hand. He did not reciprocate. She was shattered. Her heart was broken into a million pieces. Yet, she was sitting next to him and hence she wanted to savour the moment. She wanted the movie to go forever.

He asked her out for dinner after the movie. They went to their favorite restaurant. She loved the ambiance there. He loved the food. They placed the same order as they always did - Roti, bhindi ki sabzi and Raita. They ate from the same plate. She wished what people said came true - 'Jhootha khaane se pyaar badhta hai.' Nothing seemed to help her pyaar here. It was only deteriorating day by day.

He volunteered to drop her to the hotel after dinner. It was a long ride. It was late at night and the roads were empty. The moon was in it's full glory. The road was lit by the moon-light alone. There was a chill in the air. She sat close to him. She hugged him from behind - like old times. She knew this was heaven - him, her and the moonlight. She wanted life to stop there. Not for once did she think about the complications, the ambitions, the fights...just nothing. It was just him and her and that beautiful moment. She held him tight. She felt this would be their last ride together.

They reached the hotel. Everything had gone well but she knew this was not enough to get him back. She stood quiet and waited for him to speak. He asked, "Why did you come here? We were not talking for a reason." She said, "I know. But i did not want to lose you" and tears rolled on her cheeks. They had fallen in love but they had no future. 2 states does not always succeed. He had decided to stop talking to her - for her good. She listened to him. She never argued with him. His decisions were always obeyed.
He said,"You know it is not going to work out. You should have thought about this before traveling so far." She said, "I love you". He said nothing. Her heart broke. All he said was, "This is the last time we have met." He did this for her. He did this because he knew she would suffer the most if this relationship continued. But he had no alternative than breaking up with her. She cried. He knew he had lost a big chunk of his heart that day. He knew she would make his life more beautiful. But he had no choice. His family came first and he could not betray their trust. They hugged one last time. He left.

She woke up with a heavy head once again. She had slept off crying as usual. She received a call from the travel agency. Her bus back home was right on time and shall pick her up in an hour. She packed her bags and left...never to come back again.

P.S I love you

                She woke up with a heavy head. She could not feel anything. She struggled to open her swollen eyes. She looked around. Everything was unusually silent. She saw the mirror. She saw that her swollen eyes were still moist. She was worried to carry the ‘P.S I love you’ hangover to work. Anybody could figure out her bad mood. Everything showed on her face.

                She decided to make herself a large cup of tea. She knew nothing could beat the ‘P.S I love you’ hangover. She had watched the movie ‘P.S. I love you’ the previous night and had decided to draft a last email. Every scene reminded her of him, of the time they spent together, of the many days they spent and of the way he left her…. Unfortunately by choice. She still wondered what went wrong. Every time she looked back she only saw her faults, her mistakes and everything that might have gone wrong.

                She had written the last email with a heavy heart. It was painful to pen your last words to someone who was/is still her life. They were together for a long time and he had been her only love. He was ‘love at first sight’ for her. She had fallen for him even before she knew how to spell ‘love’. Whatever the case was…. Everything was over now. He did not want her back and was probably very happily in love with someone else. And here she was, completely torn.

                In the last email she apologized for everything. She wanted him badly. She wanted to be alive again. She could not think of her future because in a way… she had grown with the relationship. She grew up with him. It was impossible for her to think of her future without him. But she did not ask him to come back. Because she knew she had hurt him badly. And nothing could help now. The first thing she checked in her phone that morning was emails. She did not expect a reply from him. And she had not received any.

                She went to work. She knew she would go mad if she was idle. Thankfully she was not. She kept thinking about him in all the time. In the team meeting thankfully her part was over and so she was free to day-dream. She decided to check her cellphone. Surprise Surprise! He reverted.

                He asked her to be happy with her new life. He asked her not to be sad that it ended but be happy that it happened. He said it did not work out because it was not meant to happen. Her question: Why did it happen at the first place if it was not meant to be? It was a short email but she kept on reading it endlessly. She wanted every word of his to sink in. She wanted her mind to know that she has to move on since he has moved on. She could not react…maybe she did not want to. This reply was expected. And he had written it as a friend and not as her ex.

                She decided to shut her phone and concentrate on the meeting. She had gone numb. She could not believe things had ended like this. He had wished her very best for her future with her new partner. And he did with all the ease. She wanted to laugh it off. She was young and she made mistakes. But she knew falling in love again was a difficult task. She no more struggled to think or to fall in love again. In the movie Holly could not fall in love with anyone after Gerry…and so she knew she would have a tough time too.

Because she knew she would love him till the end.

P.S I love you.