I am at a stage where crying is like breathing... unfortunately, this is not even an exaggeration. Life sucks, literally. Giving up is not an option and committing suicide is really difficult (really!). It's so difficult that I have actually given up on the thought almost.
Spent the last 3 hours trying to read crap about ROI. Obviously, I ended up crying and hence could discuss nothing with my team-mate over the meeting.
I tried to calm myself down by trying to meditate.. obviously, I ended up crying. I tried to calm myself down by listening to 'Aigiri Nandini'... but that didn't really help either.
I want to go back to my calm self - the way I was days after my India trip. When I thought nothing could bog me down (that was before my ears gave up on me and I lost my hearing for a while). That state of mind was good... before someone re-re-re-re walked into my life again. I was lesser messed up then... much lesser messed up than I am right now.
But that is not even the worst part of my life right now. The worst part are the games that my brain has been playing with me. The negative thoughts, the negative contemplations, the fear of losing the people I love, the fear of losing in life (not that I have succeeded anytime), the fear of the pain... and so much more. The truth is that I cannot see myself like this anymore.
I know what my problem is... I have been giving importance to unimportant people and events. And this has not been a recent issue. I am sure all of us give importance to unwanted and undeserving people and situations in our lives, in turn devastating our peace of mind. Well, my peace of mind is gone. Keep yours safe!
I know what the solution is...to know the future or the ability to predict the future. Or maybe already knowing how life is going to shape up so that we do not break out heads thinking about it. Waiting for that to happen.
Finally, I just decided to go with the flow for a week. I wanna see how life shapes out when I try to keep calm.
Current thought: Someone please do my homework
Current mood: I wanna die
Current song: Aigiri Nandini
Spent the last 3 hours trying to read crap about ROI. Obviously, I ended up crying and hence could discuss nothing with my team-mate over the meeting.
I tried to calm myself down by trying to meditate.. obviously, I ended up crying. I tried to calm myself down by listening to 'Aigiri Nandini'... but that didn't really help either.
I want to go back to my calm self - the way I was days after my India trip. When I thought nothing could bog me down (that was before my ears gave up on me and I lost my hearing for a while). That state of mind was good... before someone re-re-re-re walked into my life again. I was lesser messed up then... much lesser messed up than I am right now.
But that is not even the worst part of my life right now. The worst part are the games that my brain has been playing with me. The negative thoughts, the negative contemplations, the fear of losing the people I love, the fear of losing in life (not that I have succeeded anytime), the fear of the pain... and so much more. The truth is that I cannot see myself like this anymore.
I know what my problem is... I have been giving importance to unimportant people and events. And this has not been a recent issue. I am sure all of us give importance to unwanted and undeserving people and situations in our lives, in turn devastating our peace of mind. Well, my peace of mind is gone. Keep yours safe!
I know what the solution is...to know the future or the ability to predict the future. Or maybe already knowing how life is going to shape up so that we do not break out heads thinking about it. Waiting for that to happen.
Finally, I just decided to go with the flow for a week. I wanna see how life shapes out when I try to keep calm.
Current thought: Someone please do my homework
Current mood: I wanna die
Current song: Aigiri Nandini
There is a therapy for heart, which consoles the restlessness of mind, and takes care of the smiles and makes sure that you get healed, only if you'd be curious to know :))
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