I have been on 4
arranged marriage dates till date and none of them has worked out. None of them
even holds a future. I have also had a number of google hangouts of which none
of them are going to work out either. I fail to know if it is my problem or it's
something else.
I have this
protective shell around me that cannot be brought down by anyone (maybe not
even my ex). There is this shield around me that I do not allow anyone to
penetrate. If anyone tries to flirt with me I shot them down immediately and in
a very rude manner. I know that's wrong. As an eligible bachelorette I should
talk to men… but I just don’t want to. Maybe it is because I am just a month
and a half out of my breakup and all bitter right now. Maybe I have lost trust
in all men and have started thinking that I am never going to get the love of
my life and hence, it does not even matter who I get married to. It just
doesn’t matter.
It's true that I
still want him back despite all the horrible things he has done to me. I still
spent the entire last weekend crying and I die a little every day every time I
think of him with her. I just cannot feel happy about it. A friend of mine asked
me to accept the fact and move on. But that is just impossible. I cannot accept
it and moving on is still beyond the horizon. I am definitely getting there
though.
I am trying hard to
move on. I am meeting guys, who would not fit my dating bucket ever, for
arranged marriage. I am putting myself out there because I know that if I don’t
put myself out there none can cut through my shell. If I do not deem myself
vulnerable none will be able to touch the air around me. Let's face it… I am
never going to fall for anyone in my life now and my marriage might just as
well be a compromise in my mind. I sincerely hope it doesn’t happen though. I
also downloaded those crazy dating apps. I know nothing is going to work…but…
whatever.
I am so glad I am
not a vampire. Ek lifetime ka love life nahi sambhal raha… I would have gone
crazy with eternity by my side.
Current thought:
Where is all the love?
Current mood:
Drunken monkey
Current song:
Something in the way you move…
No comments:
Post a Comment