After the moving was done we all decided to go to Earl's for a drink. I thought I would go home after a cocktail or two. Unfortunately, my friend could not find her ID and hence we ended up drinking at home, again. It was whiskey, again. And I messed up, again.
I had blocked him from my phone, WhatsApp and everywhere else. I have no clue how and why I managed to unblock him and text him. A lot. Obviously, I told him that I loved him, wanted him back and wrote down every thought I was trying to curb and bury in my brain.
I am so disappointed with myself. I was trying to put a brave face all this while, pretended to be super strong and happy. I thought my mind was stronger than this. I don’t know what I am more sorry about… about messaging him or relapsing into my old self. I am really really disappointed and disgusted at myself right now. I cease to feel like myself since Saturday. I wonder if I should call him and apologize! But knowing him, I am sure he expected me to do rant. Also, knowing him, it is best for me to never get in touch with him again. I am sure he hates me for all those messages and is super pissed. I am shocked he hasn’t killed me yet. I should expect that any time since he even knows the security code to my building.
Obviously, I haven't moved on. Maybe, I never will. I don’t know how long it is going to be before I can even think of some other guy. My best friend asked me to get into a rebound relationship but that is not a good option. Neither is CMB, Dil Mil or Tinder. I just need to be alone for a while I think and muster all courage to move on. Never thought I would be hungover over a guy so much. Also, I figured I should never have whiskey again since it messes my head every time.
Current song: Just some random tune. No clue which song.
Current thought: Sorry and disappointed
Current mood: Dark
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