Tips!! Tips!!

You get up and smell bed tea. You find your clothes neatly washed and ironed on every occasion. Your breakfast is ready on the table. Your tiffin box is packed. Meals are always served hot. Your parents call you all the time to make sure you are fine. Your family takes utmost care of you when you fall ill. Your parents fulfill all your desires like a genie. Life is easy.

We all are like pearls and parents are our shells. We are oblivious of the outer world. The shell breaks open so that the world admires the beauty of the pearl. The pearl has a tough time then. Once you move out of your parents’ home the world is your oyster. New friends, new place, new culture, new people, new food, new language….you have to adapt and adjust to every little thing that you once took for granted. You have to make your own bed tea and breakfast, wash your own clothes, prepare lunch for yourself and even repair everything that breaks down. From your work to getting rid of cockroaches and lizards…you are responsible for everything. Life is not so easy.

                                    

Here are a few essential tips for survival that a pearl should keep in mind:

1.       Life is beautiful. Live every moment. Do whatever you want to. You get to live every moment only once.

2.       It is better to do a thing and realize that it was a mistake rather than not doing it at all. Don’t give yourself a chance to regret.

3.       Never do a thing if you have second thoughts about it. There is a difference between having second thoughts and getting confused.

4.       Your roomies are your best pals. They know you better than anyone else. They are your constant source of energy and entertainment.

5.       The person who has been rude to you once might not be rude to you in the future. Everything is situational.

6.       Don’t let mood swings affect you. You might miss on beautiful opportunities because of that.

7.       Take up a hobby. Everyone needs some time pass. ‘Idle mind is a devil’s workshop’, remember that.

8.       Be nice to everyone. Make friends. Socialize. There is no harm in going to some random people and initiating a conversation.

9.       Always save for a rainy day.

10.   Time heals everything. Give time some time.

11.   LET GO. Don’t worry about people who don’t want to keep in touch. They don’t deserve that. Worry about people who want you.

12.   Don’t give undeserving people the attention they don’t deserve.

13.   You don’t need to be perfect all the time. (You can go to hypermarket in your pajamas. :p) Perfection is boring. Learning is fun.

14.   Never compare your problems with others. Every person has his own share of problems.

15.   Don’t share your problems with everybody. Some people are only glad to see you suffer. Don’t trust everybody. Once a betrayer always a betrayer.

16.   Everything in life is new. So don’t be scared to try your hand at things you have never heard of. In fact, new is fun.

17.   Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Always ask.

18.   Make mistakes. Commit blunders. Learn. Don’t repeat them. Make new mistakes every time.

19.   People who b*tch to you about others also b*tch about you to others. Remember that. Stay away. You don’t want people to gossip about your problems, do you?

20.   Wherever you are your parents are your best support system. They have solutions to all the problems. And they are always just a call away.

Happy Anniversary to Me!!

So.. this day.. last year.. I finally took a flight to ‘not exactly my dream destination’, Trivandrum. I was clueless about life. I was ready to face life when the flight took off. I had the ‘bring it on’ attitude. I landed and everything shattered. I was put up in an almost haunted hotel. We had a tough time house-hunting. I was looking for all the wrong things at all the wrong places. Life was off-track and I did not know how to handle it.

We settled in pretty well and pretty fast. Slowly we realized we were happier than our peers from other DCs. We did not travel much to work and our apartments were/are beautiful. We made a lot of friends. It was essential to make and maintain relations because all of us were in the same boat. None had anyone here and none had anywhere else to go. We were totally on our own. We were too far from our parents for any kind of interference. Life started by visiting every decent restaurant in the vicinity. We watched every movie (somehow all turned out to be flops). A list of ‘places to visit’ was made (which is still pending). Life started rolling!

                              

Professionally, it was roller-coaster ride. On bench or on project it was all luck. My projects changed every time I crossed the Trivandrum border. My changing project code was/is still a subject of amusement among my friends. Thankfully I have been blessed with good managers *touchwood* and good team-mates. Responsibilities came in. I was glad. I learnt. I made blunders but God blessed. This year might have been the most fulfilling year of my life professionally. I actually ‘worked’ some times.

                                              

Personally, I messed up at every level - from not being able to take decisions to not being able to maintain relationships. Keeping in touch with friends was not really a problem back in Mumbai. Here, I can tell you a handful of friends whom I manage to keep in touch with. Life changes but priorities don’t. Thank God for whatsapp groups. People have come and gone in the past 1 year. Those who wanted to stay have taken efforts to stay(and vice versa). I have definitely learnt a hell lot of things about relationships this year. More than I thought I ever will. I had come to a point of a nervous breakdown maybe. But God has been kind.

One more thing that I have learnt in the past year is ‘letting go’. Sometimes we just need to accept the fact that some relations cannot be maintained. People change with time and their priorities change ever faster. I have let go off a lot of things this year – from people to my beloved BlackBerry (P.S: Letting go BB still hurts every time I see my stupid phone).  I have cried over every ‘letting go’ incidence. But life moves on. Excluding a few people every person in your life is replaceable. If you don’t want to be replaced you have to put in efforts to be placed in the ‘cannot live without’ category. This is the brutal and bitter truth of life.

                                          

Money wise – Life is in an even bigger mess. Somehow my savings account is still empty. I managed to save more money in college than I did here. People who think Trivandrum is cheap please come and try. I hate the Money manager SMSes that I receive every weekend. My bank loves to remind me that I ‘over-spend’ in every category and that I am ‘living beyond my means’ since forever!  I love the dialog my elder’s always say, “Appya, Tuza pagaar kiti tu boltey kiti!!” :p (Translation: Look at your salary and look how much you speak!)

Finally, the important lessons that I have learnt in the past one year:

1.        Life is beautiful. Live every moment. Do whatever you want to. You get to live every moment only once.

2.       Your roomies are your best pals.

3.       The person who is rude to you once might not be rude to you in the future.

4.       Don’t let mood swings affect you.

5.       Take up a hobby. Everyone needs some time pass.

6.       Be nice to everyone. Make friends. Socialize. There is no harm in going to some random people and initiating a conversation.

7.       Every time you feel lonely go to your room-mates. They are your constant source of energy and entertainment.

8.       Always save for a rainy day.

9.       Time heals everything. Give time some time.

10.   LET GO. Don’t worry about people who don’t want to keep in touch. They don’t deserve that. Worry about people who want you.

11.   Don’t give undeserving people the attention they don’t deserve.

12.   You don’t need to be perfect all the time. (You can go to marginfree hypermarket in your pajamas. :p)

13.   Never compare problems. Every person has his own share of problems.

14.   Everything in life is new. So don’t be scared to try your hand at things you have never heard of.

15.   Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Always ask.

16.   Make mistakes. Commit blunders. Learn.

17.   Discuss problems only with the people you trust. Trust people only when you are absolutely sure.

18.   People who b*tch to you about others also b*tch about you to others. Remember that. Stay away.

The thing that I have started doing recently is reading ‘Last Day emails’ (which I ctrl+shift+deleted earlier). Somehow these emails never made sense to me until I started featuring in them. People around me have been quitting. Life makes decisions on its own. We just have to go with the flow. That way we can beat our indecisiveness. Some people say you should take your own decisions; take charge, whatever. Some people say ‘Go with the flow’. We must follow any one of the two categories as and when the need arises.

Year 1 has finally come to an end. I hope I don’t write another anniversary post, same time, next year. Golden words as said by my manager (now an ex-infoscion): “Your first job and first location is always special for you.” And I am glad to say Trivandrum is and will always be special to me. Life has been beautiful. May God make this upcoming year even more beautiful. God-speed.

                                    

Trapped...

Champagne was flowing as the guests arrived. She looked beautiful. She was busy attending the guests. He glanced at her. She shivered. He was playing the perfect host to all. ‘He is a perfect devil too’ she thought. It was a happening party but she was afraid of what was in store for her later that night. She feared she would be bruised again.

                Ria was a wannabe model when she met Ishan. He fell for her instantly. They met often. Ishan promised Ria that he would make her a superstar and he did. He was powerful and that helped her career immensely. Ria fell for him. Ishan played the perfect gentleman around her. She was smitten. Love is blind. He proposed to her and they got married.

                Life was beautiful for the first few months but things changed soon. Ishan’s love for Ria turned into obsession. He did not allow her to keep in touch with the world. Her career came to a stand-still. She was in a house-arrest. She could not venture out without his body-guards. He had become too possessive about her. Soon, he became violent. She was abused for no reason. She was caged by her own love. She was now afraid of his presence. Ria wanted to live her life. She wanted to feel free again. She wanted to fly away. Her bruises were hidden by her sari and she wore a fake smile. But even make-up could not hide the scars she had on her mind. Ria wanted to live a safe life now. She loved him but she did not want him anymore.

                                                            

                Every once a while Ishan would resort to violence to prove his manhood and dominance. Ria was helpless. She could not run away. She could not defend herself. She was too afraid to go to the police. She knew that would make headlines. Every time Ria tried to escape Ishan made sure she learnt her lesson. She had to be treated in the hospital a couple of times for those lessons. She had no family. She thought of him as her life. But now she knew her life was in danger. The only way she had was to walk with him.

                Today was their 1^st Wedding Anniversary. Ishan’s father had got his date to the party. In his arms was a woman less than half his age. Ishan’s mother had passed away few years ago in mysterious circumstances. ‘Like father like son’ she thought. Ria did not want to end up like her mother-in-law. She knew she had to be strong. She knew she had to drift away from Ishan. She knew he loved her in his own evil ways. But his ways were too evil.

                It was a little past mid-night and the party was in full swing. Everyone was getting drunk. Ishan was drunk too. Ria was afraid that Ishan would create a scene again. He was infamous for that. She kept an eye on him. And the doorbell rang. It was the police. Someone from the neighborhood had complained about the noise. Ishan decided to take the matter in his own hands and went ahead to talk to the police. Ria feared he would mess things up with his aggressiveness. She followed.

                In a few minutes time the matter went out of hands. Ishan became aggressive. Abusing the police past mid-night, when drunk, cannot be good and well-received. Ishan became violent. He had gotten into a lot of fights recently. She apologized to the police on his behalf and tried to talk to Ishan.  But Ishan slapped Ria and pushed her. She fell on the ground with a thud. All this was in the middle of the road, in the presence of the police and guests peeping through the window. Her bruises were now exposed. Ria feared that her bedroom drama would now become public. She was made fun of by her own husband and the whole world witnessed. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She was rendered helpless again.

                Ishan lost his balance. He tried to get up. It was drizzling. Just a moment later a branch from the nearby tree fell on Ishan. He was trapped. They tried to rescue him but in vain. The injuries were too grave. Everyone was in a rude state of shock. The party came to a standstill. Ria could not help weeping. Ishan was no more.

                Ria wanted to move away from him but not this way. Ria wanted to see life with a new hope but not like this, not without Ishan. She loved him too much. Nevertheless, Ria had a faint smile on her face, a smile of no more bruises, a smile of no fear.

A walk to remember...

She couldn’t help checking the BBM updates. She waited for his message to arrive. They were going to meet up for the first time after the break-up. The long-distance had taken a toll or maybe the 5-year itch had. They had mutually broken up 2 months ago. She had handled herself pretty well. She wanted to see if he had done the same. Somehow she felt they’d get back together that evening. She hoped for that. It was past 6.30 PM and she had to catch a flight the next day. So she decided to make a call. He said he could not call since he was traveling and his cellphone was running low on battery. They decided to meet at their favorite place in 30 minutes time.

                She realized how badly she wanted to see him. 30 minutes is a meager time for a girl to get ready for a guy whom she still loves. They shouldn’t have parted ways she thought. She should’ve held him tight the way he held her – through thick and thin. She reached the place right on time. He was waiting already. The way he always did. She saw a silhouette of his. She knew it was him. One can recognize his/her love even in the death of the darkness she thought. They walked towards each other. No hugs, no hand-shakes… nothing. It was awkward. “You’re still the same” he said. “Likewise” she said.

                She had to shop for a couple of things so they walked towards the store. They went to a store and she gave the shop-keeper a list of things she wanted him to fetch. The store was too crowded. But all she could see was him. All of a sudden she said, “So, when are we getting back together?” Boy! She hadn’t thought she would ask him that so soon. But he tackled it well. He smirked and said, “Let’s see.”

                As they walked their hands brushed. He immediately apologized as if it was a crime. She had not expected this reaction. As they continued walking on the road, with heavy traffic around, she was constantly looking out for him. Somehow, she felt he was not the same guy she fell in love with years ago. He had changed. He did not care about her anymore. She felt more and more awkward as they walked.

                They visited the temple they always used to. This was the same temple where she had prayed with all her dedication and might because she wanted him badly. He was the only thing she had ever asked for in her life. “Let this relationship be the way you want it to be.” she prayed to God this time. They left. Her friend, who was supposed to pick her up, was caught up elsewhere. So she had to wait. That only meant more time to spend with him. She asked him if it was okay. They decided to see his best friend and eat pani-puri to pass away time.

                They walked on the same roads. They walked together. She was not afraid of people looking at them. She wanted to flaunt him the way she used to. He had been her trophy boyfriend all these years. She wanted to feel that belongingness again. She wanted him to feel that they still had a beautiful future ahead. She wanted him to feel that things could happen if he wanted them to happen.

                They went to a pani-puri center nearby. Every date started or ended with pani-puri for them. It was a custom they’d followed all these years. But unlike before, that day they were not afraid of being spotted together. Everything was over. No unconditional love, no relationship…nothing. They were just 2 people standing together trying not to act like strangers. That was the last time they were going to follow their custom. They had their last pani-puri together.

                They reached his best friend’s place. They spoke about our individual lives, work etc. But she did not pay attention. She was not in a mood to talk. She just wanted to hold hands with him. She wanted to shake him and ask what was wrong. She wanted to tell him that if he was playing a game with her it was a bad idea. But he did not feel the same way anymore. He was strong. He had moved on and the past was just another word for him. In a while her friend came to pick her up. She asked him if she could hug him one last time. He gave her a formal hug and she left. She did not have the guts to look behind and say wave him a final good-bye.

                The walk had said it all. She’d revisited their entire relationship in that one walk- from prayers to pani puri. She realized that she had been too adamant to let him go. But now she had to. He was no more into her. They were never going to be together. She’d always treasure him. The last walk had ended so had the relationship and so had her prayers. The final good-bye was done unknowingly.

New Girl in the City... :)

                “Mam, please go to the 10^th counter and pay the required amount.” I looked at the receipt.’ INR 6000 /- only’ it said. “That is as expensive as my air-ticket” I said. She smiled. Not wanting to argue I went to the counter and paid for my excess luggage. I remembered the number of tests I had failed in my training to earn that money. I checked-in and turned back to search for my family. Their worried faces greeted me with a smile. It is a custom for them to wait till I check-in. I showed them thumbs up. I started walking towards the security check. I glanced at the huge LCD. Despite the bad weather my flight to Trivandrum was as per the schedule. No chance of missing the flight or the flight being rescheduled. My bad luck had been steady so far. I reached the security check only to find a km long queue. Out of frustration I looked outside the glass wall adjoining the Ladies security check. There my parents and my brother sitting on a table of 4. I found them staring at the empty chair. My heart broke. I was supposed to sit on that chair and enjoy a nice cup of hot cappuccino with them on that rainy day. I was supposed to fill that 4^th chair every place they went to. Wishful thinking I thought. I called up my parents, waved at them for one last time and moved on.

                Flights are always boring. Time crawled. Unfortunately even my favorite writer could not keep me engrossed. I finished with two masala teas and gazed into the future. I had seen Trivandrum only on Google maps – magnified view. The zoomed out map of India had pushed me into depression. Trivandrum was just few hundred kilometers away from the extreme corner of country. I was thrown from Mumbai to Mysore and now further down south - to Trivandrum. Life had just gone down-under.

After cursing God for more than half of the duration of my flight I decided to take advantage of my window seat. And I was amazed. Beautiful! I could only see coconut trees. I wondered where people stayed! And for some time I actually thought that people here stayed in tree houses. All I could see was the vast ocean and coconut trees. The rainy season had only beautified everything. I knew my life was going to be cool. Or so I thought.

Landed. The airport was/is only 1/50^th of the Mumbai airport. But that was not my concern. I opened my email to fetch the address of the hotel where I was put up. All of my acquaintances (I say so because we hardly knew each other’s names then) were slated to reach after a few days which meant me alone for quite some time. I somehow managed my luggage, took a prepaid taxi to reach the hotel that was in the heart of the city. The entire city was silent and it was only 5.30 PM. I sat beside the driver seat and he was pretty surprised when I told him I would take the front seat. On the way I hardly saw anyone wearing trousers or shorts. ‘Lungi’ and ‘Mundu’ (I have learned the difference between them only recently) seemed like the national dress of Kerala. Kerala felt like a different country altogether. I reached the hotel successfully but the nightmare had just begun.

I was given the corner-most room of that hotel. The lights of the corridor ceased to work. I tried to convince the receptionist for a room nearer to the reception. But NO! According the rules Rooms could not be exchanged. Also I was supposed to pay the entire hotel rent alone since I had no roomie. Expenses Reloaded. I knew Trivandrum was turning out to be too expensive for me. Thankfully, they helped me carry my bags.  Thankfully, the room was decent enough.  But with decency came silence. I looked out of the window. No view. And it rained. I felt happy for the rains though. At least there was something common between Mumbai and Trivandrum – rains.

To do away with the silence I turned on the TV. And it just did not work. I tried all the possible combination of buttons. And then there came a point when I felt ashamed of being an Engineer. This point comes in every Engineer’s life. None considers you as an Engineer till you fix some appliance. TV failed me. I wanted to avoid calling for help since I was alone. Security reasons you see. But I could not take the silence anymore and hence called up the reception for repair. And within seconds the entire staff made an entry into my room. They worked as if repairing that TV was the only mission of their lives. Finally after an hour the TV worked. Now the entire hotel knew I stayed alone. Exactly what I wanted! (aargh!) Of course I could not sleep that night…and the many nights that followed. TV was my only companion all this time.

On the first day I asked the receptionist my way to the campus. He told me to catch some bus that went to some place. I could not even spell what he said. Pronouncing those names was impossible. They spelled ‘zha’ in a different manner.  Since I was confident I would catch the wrong bus anyway I thanked him and left. So here I was, in a totally strange land, catching buses. I got into the first bus that was supposed to help me reach my destination. During the journey I spent my entire time tackling strange looks. There were separate sections for men and women in the bus. That was something new to me. Separate compartments in trains were expected but not in buses!

Finally, after more than an hour and changing 2 modes of transport I reached my workplace. The campus ended as I entered. It was extremely small as compared to the other ones. I found my manager and reported to him. Everything was new. I was clumsy. Faces were unfamiliar. I tried contacting friends from other DCs. Office communicator was the first thing I opened. The ‘Black tag’ had transformed me from a ‘trainee’ to a ‘resource’. I quickly made a list of things to do. Searching for a house was priority no.01. And it had to be done real quick.

Dinners were a problem. The hotel, we stayed at, was too expensive. I and my colleague tried every imaginable restaurant in the city. The pink and boiled water greeted us everywhere. I whatsapped a photo of the pink water to my father. He panicked and immediately called me up to ask what it was. It was difficult to figure out that it was drinking water. The water is colored because of the medicinal herbs. I decided to go for it. And since then I decided to try every imaginable Kerala custom and food. I decided to adapt to everything around.

We had to find a nest within 6 days and so we house-hunted like crazy. My roomie joined me in a few days and finally I was spared the horror of taking important decisions alone. Come Thursday and we did not have a nest to stay. I stood in front of the hypermarket and called mom, my last resort. It was pitch-dark and traffic was deafening. I broke down. I felt helpless. I was just 2 days away from being kicked out of the hotel and I had no place to dump my ‘over-paid-for’ luggage. I regretted having turned down my father’s offer to accompany me till I settled down. I regretted being confident about living on my own.

Come Friday and by God’s grace we had options to choose from! 2 beautiful houses waited for us. We opted for the fully-furnished one though. It was like a dream come true! However, we were not sure which apartment we had opted for. We had seen so many apartments in the past few days that we could not recollect exactly which one we had opted for. And VOILA! It turned out to be a steal! It has a sea-view. And yes, in case of a Tsunami our building would be the first one to be hit. Doesn’t matter though. Finally, God had seen those tears.

And we sealed the deal. It was the first time we all wrote cheques. Cheques worth more than a lac rupee (expensive deal. But we love the house!) The amount on the cheques made me think I had a bright future!  We entered the apartment (now home) and it felt amazing. It was meant to be. This apartment is now called our ‘home’ *touchwood*. And the sea is still the first thing that we see every morning. Uncalled expenses, sleepless nights, tears, frustration, bad luck… in the end it didn’t even matter. J  We got ‘home away from home’. J *touchwood*. We vowed to make this place the most happening  place ever. We all are…like…alienated here having little access to the outside world. Sooo.. we created our own world here.  According to us visiting Sri Lanka is cheaper and faster than visiting home. Jokes apart! Understanding, love and support follows. We are just a bunch of awesome people mixed together like a Bhelpuri. The only thing is that….the Bhelpuri is served in coconut leaves.

P.S I love you

                She woke up with a heavy head. She could not feel anything. She struggled to open her swollen eyes. She looked around. Everything was unusually silent. She saw the mirror. She saw that her swollen eyes were still moist. She was worried to carry the ‘P.S I love you’ hangover to work. Anybody could figure out her bad mood. Everything showed on her face.

                She decided to make herself a large cup of tea. She knew nothing could beat the ‘P.S I love you’ hangover. She had watched the movie ‘P.S. I love you’ the previous night and had decided to draft a last email. Every scene reminded her of him, of the time they spent together, of the many days they spent and of the way he left her…. Unfortunately by choice. She still wondered what went wrong. Every time she looked back she only saw her faults, her mistakes and everything that might have gone wrong.

                She had written the last email with a heavy heart. It was painful to pen your last words to someone who was/is still her life. They were together for a long time and he had been her only love. He was ‘love at first sight’ for her. She had fallen for him even before she knew how to spell ‘love’. Whatever the case was…. Everything was over now. He did not want her back and was probably very happily in love with someone else. And here she was, completely torn.

                In the last email she apologized for everything. She wanted him badly. She wanted to be alive again. She could not think of her future because in a way… she had grown with the relationship. She grew up with him. It was impossible for her to think of her future without him. But she did not ask him to come back. Because she knew she had hurt him badly. And nothing could help now. The first thing she checked in her phone that morning was emails. She did not expect a reply from him. And she had not received any.

                She went to work. She knew she would go mad if she was idle. Thankfully she was not. She kept thinking about him in all the time. In the team meeting thankfully her part was over and so she was free to day-dream. She decided to check her cellphone. Surprise Surprise! He reverted.

                He asked her to be happy with her new life. He asked her not to be sad that it ended but be happy that it happened. He said it did not work out because it was not meant to happen. Her question: Why did it happen at the first place if it was not meant to be? It was a short email but she kept on reading it endlessly. She wanted every word of his to sink in. She wanted her mind to know that she has to move on since he has moved on. She could not react…maybe she did not want to. This reply was expected. And he had written it as a friend and not as her ex.

                She decided to shut her phone and concentrate on the meeting. She had gone numb. She could not believe things had ended like this. He had wished her very best for her future with her new partner. And he did with all the ease. She wanted to laugh it off. She was young and she made mistakes. But she knew falling in love again was a difficult task. She no more struggled to think or to fall in love again. In the movie Holly could not fall in love with anyone after Gerry…and so she knew she would have a tough time too.

Because she knew she would love him till the end.

P.S I love you.