A story I was not prepared for...

Our friend has taken a Big Leap and assisted the Director of Thira. We all planned, unplanned, canceled, planned again and made it to the theatre. It was a late night show but still was well-received. Somehow I was not really bothered about the pending work and making it to work the next morning.  A lot of our friends were watching it for the second time. As usual, I was the only non-mallu in the gang. The fact that Thira is a malyalam movie didn’t matter much since a large part of the movie is in hindi/English.

The movie started off fast paced. It was exhilarating right from the first scene. The director did not really believe on building up the movie, which I found awesome. The plot revolves around Shobhana and Dhyan’s search for the missing girls. The flow of the story is logical and amazing. The movie keeps you at the edge of your seat totally.

But I realized I was not at all prepared to see the building up scenes of the movie. When I was younger I consciously avoided every scene that would even remotely depress me. I, somehow, cannot see anything horror, obnoxious, sad or anything that is demeaning to women. Maybe that or I don’t have the guts to face the harsh reality of life (most probable reason). Dhyan, the hero, goes to a factory and manages to find 2 girls who are captivated in the basement (Cannot describe the scene since I closed my eyes after seeing the first shot). He manages to free those 2. I wanted Dhyan to go and search and free the other girls who might have been captivated in that factory too! After all it was such a BIG factory. My mind was screaming at him to go and search for others. As the movie progressed my mind was still stuck in the dungeon scene and wondering what the girls must have gone through. Though it was just a movie and the asst.director was right beside me (to clear my never-ending doubts) I had completely drowned in the incidence that the scene portrayed.

A few scenes later, Shobhana and Dhyan find pieces of clothes with messages written ‘Help Me’, ‘Call my dad’ etc. I was immediately reminded of the bedtime stories my Grandpa told. ‘The escape of a girl from her kidnappers’ was my favorite. He obliged to all my multiple requests of reciting me the same story. Now I understood why. That story was probably his way of educating me and my brother of what should be done in such situations. Probably, the girls who wrote messages on clothes also had heard the story. I secretly wished all of their messages were read earlier and they all were safe in the shadows of their family.

                                                    

Towards the end of the movie, we realized that the kidnapped girls were actually going to be a part of a ‘party’. The who ’s who of the industry were to be present and they actually had the privilege of selecting girls they wanted to spend the night with (read: assault/molest)  on a very hi-tech iPad. The scene sent a chill down my spine. There was alcohol, handcuffs, ropes and what not to please the honchos.  Probably there was everything that would make the night wild and worthwhile for them. Before I realized I had freaked out. Such scenes were shown earlier in different movies too but today I saw them with a different perspective. I was thinking about the million girls who go through all this all over the world; girls who lose their innocence before they even know; girls who lose their innocence before they even realize.

Even if these scenes were just an integral part of the movie such things do make headlines and are often forgotten over a period of time. ‘Human Trafficking’ is prevalent. There are people in this world who equate ‘girls’ with ‘toys’. We have to accept the fact that people see us as an ‘object of pleasure’ many a times. And the threat is not always external. Daughters have been raped by their fathers, girlfriends have been molested by their boyfriends, wives have been forced by their husbands and the list goes on. Today, I wonder if being vigilant is enough for some circumstances cannot be avoided.

                                      

The end of the movie was all happy and I was relieved. All the girls were rescued. The movie dealt with the topic very well. And this was the first movie of this kind that I saw. But the topic dwelled in my mind long enough to pen this down. I wish I were a SuperWoman and could do something about it! I wish all of us were SuperWomen and could put an end to the unjust done towards us all over the world! I hope that day comes soon when the devils become lesser stone-hearted and do not see women only as an object of pleasure; when they think about the heart inside instead of just staring at the chest. Waiting for that day. God Speed.

What kind are you?

It was 3 pm and the AC was in full swing. My eyelids were heavier than they were a minute ago. I glanced at the monitor every once a while to assure myself that this too shall pass. I tried to speak up in between so that my lead thought I was paying enough attention (which I was clearly not). My mind was full asleep and I could have fallen flat on my face any moment. Suddenly she said, “I know you can do it. You know everything”. And I lost all my sleep. The ‘Knowledge Transfer’ session was over and I was expected to know ‘everything’. I looked at my colleagues and realized they were totally excited about the new project. I opened my eyes and looked around. My workplace suddenly seemed categorized:

1.  The ‘You know everything’ people – All bosses, leads, senior professionals fall under this category. This category enjoys the freedom and frequent opportunities to say ‘You know everything’ to all the people working with them. The other sentences that they use is ‘You can do it.’, ‘Ask me if you have any doubts’ etc. But when you actually have doubts they are too ‘busy’ to help you out. They make you feel like a Superman before they give you a critical task. People wear ‘Superman’ T-shirts but sometimes you feel like wearing a T-shirt that says ‘I am not a Superman’. Additionally, they have all the authority to levy additional responsibilities on you (can be personal too). But you have to be in good books of this category because they have full control of your career.

2. The Blessed – Some people are just blessed with whatever skills. A few ones are always in demand. If you have knowledge you can show off. The first category fights to hire people from this category. People from this category are super blessed to be never out of work. They earn all the perks, accolades, love, and compensatory offs (the most important). They can demand anything from the first category and believe me, they get it. They can make the first category dance to their tunes. They are not really worried about their appraisals and feedbacks because they know they are wanted. Basically, they rule.

3. The Butterflies – There was a saying ‘Jack of all trades but Master of none’. Well, people from this category are the Masters of all trades. The above saying does not hold true for them. The people from this category are everywhere and they are good at whatever. The guy can be an award-winning employee and win a modeling contest too! These people are social butterflies and hence are omnipresent. They know everyone and everyone knows them. They are demi-celebrities. You can easily recognize people from this category because they can be seen wherever you go.

4. The resources – A chunk of the employees fall in this category. The people from this category generally come to work before the working hours begin and work till forever. They seldom take breaks and are always tensed. They easily fall prey to all the ‘important tasks to be accomplished over the weekend’. They worship work. ‘Fun’ is a far-fetched dream for them. They are the ‘nice people’ who never complain. ‘The more the merrier’ is what they think about work. They adhere to all the deadlines and they are the only ones who take clients seriously. The people from category 1 need people from this category. This category secretly wishes to be like category 3 and is envious of category 2.

The ‘other’ people: GrandPa

GrandPa...

I reached the station. It was not as crowded as I thought it would be. I started looking out for him. I thought I would see him on the bridge, but could not find him. I went to the place where I saw him last but no luck. He was an almost 70 year old Grandpa; will not call him a beggar. I saw him for the first time 5 years ago. He was sitting on the station with his entire luggage. He surely did not look like a beggar to me. I thought he was waiting for a train and hence passed him off as just another passenger. He caught my attention a few days later after I saw him sitting at the same place.

I always wondered what brought him here, the reason of his loneliness, if he was thrown out by his own son and hence had nowhere to go. Every time I decided to go and talk to him something stopped me. Probably I had no guts to ask him his story or did not have the heart to. I was too afraid to listen to his side of the story. I gave him a part of my pocket money every time I saw him. But today I could not find him and I wondered where he had disappeared – shifted to some other station, found a new home or the worse…was no more.

I was wondering if I could have changed his life if I had mustered a little courage to talk to him; if I could have increased his life span if he was no more; if I could have helped him in any way. But I was helpless myself and had no capacity or courage or whatever. I did help him in whatever way I could but could have done no more.

This made me wonder how selfish we can be; selfish and self-centered. There are a lot of ‘other people’ who need our attention. There are moments in our lives when we shed tears for things like a laptop, better television, money or ‘that’ guy. But those tears are such a waste of time. One selfless act can change a life. If not ours, someone else’s. But lives can be changed. All we have to do is make an effort to go out there and do our bit for the less fortunate; make the world a better place to live in.

Sometimes I wish I could....

                      

Sometimes I feel so blessed to have had you around in the past…

Sometimes I feel so loved when I think about the moments we have spent..

Sometimes I yearn for you.. for your presence.. for your touch..for your memories.

Yet sometimes I feel good about us not talking..

about us not being 'US' anymore..

I know we would have made a lovely couple.. I would have kept you happy..

But I would not have let YOU be YOU..

I am so sorry to have made your life so difficult…and the future would have been darker.

I wish I could change.. but that is my love, my dear love.

And my love would have never set you free..

I wish you could understand!

I wish you could forgive me!

I wish you could give me another chance!

I wish we were together!

I wish I could love you more!

Where is the love?!

She opened her eyes. Her journey was far from over. She had fallen asleep amidst the travel sickness and tears. She checked her phone. No message from him. She knew this was a big decision that she had taken. She had promised herself that this would be her last attempt to save the relationship. Family was an obstacle. But he was more important to her than anything else. She had made a decision of visiting him despite the issues. She wanted him in her life.

She reached the bus stand. He had not come to pick her up. She reached the hotel. She wore his favorite dress and his favorite perfume. She dressed up just the way he liked her. 'One last time' she thought. She left to meet him. He knew she would be in the city but he had not made any attempts to get in touch with her.

She called him. He answered. They decided to meet for coffee at a nearby CCD. She spotted him on her way to the coffee shop. She called him. They met. No hugs, no kisses..just a plain 'Hello' with a broken smile. They walked together. The beauty of every moment they spent together had disappeared. She had asked the coffee shop manager to reserve their favorite coffee table for them and had pre-ordered their favorites. Their eyes met for the first time after months. She had the same sparkle in her eyes. Sadly, he seemed distant. They spoke about him - cricket, friends, photos and life. He did not enquire about her. She felt the distance. He was about to leave but she wanted to extend the date. She asked him for a movie. He obliged.

They went to the movie hall. She met her friends. She had come to meet only him and so she had told none. She wanted to flaunt him. He used to be her trophy but today she found him a couple of yards away looking into his phone. He seemed lost. She got the hint. They saw a foreign movie. She did not understand the language. He took all the pains to translate every line to her. She felt the closeness. She held his hand. He did not reciprocate. She was shattered. Her heart was broken into a million pieces. Yet, she was sitting next to him and hence she wanted to savour the moment. She wanted the movie to go forever.

He asked her out for dinner after the movie. They went to their favorite restaurant. She loved the ambiance there. He loved the food. They placed the same order as they always did - Roti, bhindi ki sabzi and Raita. They ate from the same plate. She wished what people said came true - 'Jhootha khaane se pyaar badhta hai.' Nothing seemed to help her pyaar here. It was only deteriorating day by day.

He volunteered to drop her to the hotel after dinner. It was a long ride. It was late at night and the roads were empty. The moon was in it's full glory. The road was lit by the moon-light alone. There was a chill in the air. She sat close to him. She hugged him from behind - like old times. She knew this was heaven - him, her and the moonlight. She wanted life to stop there. Not for once did she think about the complications, the ambitions, the fights...just nothing. It was just him and her and that beautiful moment. She held him tight. She felt this would be their last ride together.

They reached the hotel. Everything had gone well but she knew this was not enough to get him back. She stood quiet and waited for him to speak. He asked, "Why did you come here? We were not talking for a reason." She said, "I know. But i did not want to lose you" and tears rolled on her cheeks. They had fallen in love but they had no future. 2 states does not always succeed. He had decided to stop talking to her - for her good. She listened to him. She never argued with him. His decisions were always obeyed.
He said,"You know it is not going to work out. You should have thought about this before traveling so far." She said, "I love you". He said nothing. Her heart broke. All he said was, "This is the last time we have met." He did this for her. He did this because he knew she would suffer the most if this relationship continued. But he had no alternative than breaking up with her. She cried. He knew he had lost a big chunk of his heart that day. He knew she would make his life more beautiful. But he had no choice. His family came first and he could not betray their trust. They hugged one last time. He left.

She woke up with a heavy head once again. She had slept off crying as usual. She received a call from the travel agency. Her bus back home was right on time and shall pick her up in an hour. She packed her bags and left...never to come back again.

Ganpati Bappa Morya!

I woke up in the morning repenting my decision of not making it home for Ganesh Chaturthi this year (like last year). I was more sad because of being away from my cousins this year too. Every year we would all gather together and celebrate Ganpati. It is, kinda, a very big festival for us since we are maharashtrians. I was missing all my cousins since quite some time. The feeling of 'missing' them was intense because of the Ganpati.

Every year all 5 of us (cousins) would decorate the living room (my cousins would do the most part) with flowers, ribbons etc. Decoration would be unique every year (creative minds you see). During lunches we would pass on our jalebis to each other (cuz none of us liked Jalebis) and not to forget moti-choor ke laddoo. The first Aarti would be the biggest one. At least one of us would be in the bathroom when the Aarti would begin (struggling to get ready). Aarti would happen twice every day along with AtharvaShirsha. A sense of peace would seep in. It felt purified all of a sudden. A sense of support would be felt. I have always loved that feeling.

But today morning was different. I woke up all alone with a phone call. My colleagues were expecting my help for making rangoli (they actually think i can do that). So i woke up and got ready at Blitz Krieg speed and rushed to office. I started coloring the petals with different varieties of violet. I was just cribbing about the mismatch of colors when the phone rang.

It was my brother. He said, "We are in a conference. I am joining your call." I was delighted to hear all the voices when the call was joined. All of us stay continents away from each other and so the time difference has never allowed us to make a conference call all this time. I was the happiest. It was all 5 of us on the call. Actually 6. My cousin's fiance joined in too! We chatted along for an hour (while i was still coloring the petals violet). My day was made. I wonder how God knew what I wanted!

Life is always like that. Life loves to surprise you but for that...you should give life a chance to surprise you. You generally get what you want (ofcourse if God wants to give you that). Today, I realized how one phone call can change your life; can make your life beautiful; can make you happy.

This is the best gift I could ask Ganpati Bappa for! (ofcourse I have a lot to ask Ganpati Bappa for.. but.... for now.. venda!)
Ganpati Bappa Morya!
- feeling Blessed.

A letter to Akhila...

Dear Akhila,

Hope this letter finds you happy and beautiful as you are. I know this letter has taken you by surprise. I was very estatic to meet you. Unfortunately, that is not possible now. I take this letter as an opportunity to share my life with you.

I know you must have always wondered about my existence. I am Sorry to have abandoned you the way I did. I should not have. But i was naive and I was just 18 years old when I conceived you. That moment of passion was a mistake and it should not have happened. But 'love is blind' they say. You are the very first love of my life. That was my first year away from home and I just wanted to break free. I know I committed a big mistake. I am Sorry I could not be your mother. I am Sorry I could not give you the life that i wished to give you.

I heard about your grades from your foster parents. I am such a proud mother today. I am sure your parents must be used to such proud moments by now. I saw a lot of trophies lined up at your deck when I visited you some time ago. You were visiting your grandparents then. Your father was beaming with pride when he told me about your achievements in the field of sports. You have got that from your birth father, dear Akhila. He was a national-level athlete too. We loved each other a lot and we loved you even more. But we were a very young couple and incapable of handling ourselves. Hence, we decided to put you up for adoption. We could not have taken care of you the way your foster parents have. They have provided you with all the luxuries and raised you to become a wonderful lady.

A word of caution for you, Akhila. Do not be afraid to fall in love but be practical. Do not lose control. Don't be afraid to make mistakes but may every mistake be sensible. Make new mistakes every day. Learn from each one of them. Make sure none suffers because of your mistakes, not even you. Take risks but not with a life. Akhila, do not make the mistake I made. I do not say you were a mistake...but giving you up for a better future was one.

I want to see you getting married, my dear daughter. I want to see you in the red lehenga that I send you with this letter. Hope you get married to the right guy. Take your time to fall in love but always fall in love with the right person. Have kids, raise them and see them grow. Let them be who they want to be. Set life free and it will take beautiful turns.

Always remember one thing - none has the right to treat you the wrong way. None has the right to touch you inappropriately - not even your father. Always know your rights and duties, Akhila. I know your parents have raised you well. You are a very beautiful lady. I want you to be strong too. Be strong enough to raise a voice against injustice. Be strong enough to support yourself and your family when required.  Always stand for your family. Family is one thing you must cherish forever. Stand tall in every adversity because nothing in life is permanent.

I want to tell you something about myself too. You have all the right to know your birth Mother. Your parents told me that you knew you were adopted, though they never wanted to reveal it to you. You never asked about me. After you were born we gave you up for adoption. Your foster parents volunteered. Me and your birth father were very choosy about the couple whom we would give you up to. Your foster parents fitted in all the criteria perfectly. Me and your birth father were madly in love with each other. Unfortunately, he passed away in an accident and I was left with tears and memories of you and him. I graduated, got a job, got married and conceived 2 beautiful children. Despite all this I have never spent a day without thinking about you. I never wanted you be aware of my existence, simply because i thought you would despise me. There was no reason for me to enter your life after all this time.

I am extremely grateful to your parents for letting me pen down this letter to you. This might be my last letter ever. Not because I do not wish to write letters to you anymore but because I cannot.  I might be no more by the time this letter reaches you. My cancer has reached the last stage and getting in touch with you was my last wish. I want to tell you that I have missed you all my life; that I am extremely Sorry to have left you the way I did; that I love you a lot. I hope you forgive me for this.

P.S: Your parents are wonderful. I love you a lot.

P.S Parents: Thank you for letting me write. And Thank you for raising Your daughter so wonderfully.

Lots of love and blessings,
Yours lovingly,
Mom. :)